December 19th, 2005

ho ho ho

What we learned from Friday's poll

1. More people disapprove of the shift from "sports utility vehicle" to "sports activity vehicle" than any other product renaming, which I'm crediting to visceral anti-SUV sentiment (if nothing else, the name change is more honest, since it embodies an admission that they have very little utility).

2. It was a tie between poker (a game surprisingly popular amongst women, a fact I'm not sure whether to find erotic or frightening) and Settlers & Knights of Catan (a game at which all of us were thoroughly drubbed, as per normal, on Saturday by rum_holiday) for most popular game. Three geeks admitted to liking Shadowrun, while no one was cowboy enough to dig on faro. Almost as many people like Duck Duck Goose as like chess, which represents the two poles of intellectual achievement around ehre, I suppose.

3. Not breaking the Ten Commandments was a low priority for everyone on my friends list except fidelity_astro. I'm sure Alex will take comfort in his austere lifestyle when we're all burning in the pits of Hell. At any rate, saying "Goddamnit" was the most popular sin, with an amazing 95% of respondents copping to taking the Lord's name in vain. Failing to be properly worshipful on whatever day you think the Sabbath falls was next at 86%. A surprisingly large number of you claim to have committed adultery in the last week. And, in a rather telling bit of irony, almost as many of you claimed to have killed someone as would admit to lying.

4. A very sensible 42% of you either have no opinion on mistletoe or gave the joke answer. No one actually hates it, but let's face facts: seven of you can't possibly be Balder, and I'd like to get it sorted out which one of you it really is. Among those who liked it, 11% cited its ability to get them otherwise unavailable action; 13% enjoy its use as a justifier for kisses you were gonna give anyway; and a baffling 15% love it because it sounds like "missile toe".


5. Many amusing answers were given to the question of the Santa Claus line of succession (Satan, Superman and Jesus were popular), but the winning entry has to go to thevulgartrade:

The Vice Santa. After that, the speaker of the gingerbread house, then the head elf pro tempore, and then, god forbid, the secretary of skates.