December 22nd, 2005

nah I'm just fuckin with you

The world's oldest solitary profession

Hey, Yahoo! has just posted its Top Searches of 2005. Let's take a look, and see what the average internet user enjoys!

TOP YAHOO! SEARCHES (AND WHAT THEY MEAN)

1. Britney Spears (masturbation)
2. 50 Cent (white people wanting to be black)
3. Cartoon Network (getting high)
4. Mariah Carey (masturbation)
5. Green Day (angst)
6. Jessica Simpson (masturbation)
7. Paris Hilton (masturbation)
8. Eminem (angst)
9. Ciara (masturbation)
10. Lindsay Lohan (masturbation)

TOP YAHOO! IMAGE SEARCHES

1. Jessica Simpson (masturbation)
2. Paris Hilton (masturbation)
3. Britney Spears (masturbation)
4. Lindsay Lohan (masturbation)
5. Angelina Jolie (masturbation)
6. Pamela Anderson (masturbation)
7. Jennifer Lopez (masturbation)
8. Hilary Diff (masturbation)
9. Carmen Electra (masturbation)
10. Anime (masturbation)

TOP YAHOO! VIDEO SEARCHES

1. Britney Spears (masturbation; childbirthing tips)
2. Anime (masturbation)
3. Funny videos (universal enjoyment of watching people get peed on)
4. Jessica Simpson (masturbation)
5. 50 Cent (people looking for an easy Halloween costume)
6. Jennifer Lopez (masturbation)
7. Shakira (masturbation)
8. Mariah Carey (masturbation; psychiatric training)
9. Eminem (angst)
10. Lindsay Lohan (masturbation)

TOP YAHOO! PRODUCT SEARCHES

1. Digital cameras (masturbation)
2. Flowers (fornication)
3. iPod (intellectual masturbation)
4. Nike (brand loyalty)
5. Prom dresses (fornication)
6. PSP (masturbation)
7. XBox 360 (masturbation training)
8. Halloween costumes (50 Cent)
9. Shoes (masturbation)
10. Roses (fornication)

TOP YAHOO! NEWS SEARCHES

1. Tsunami (schadenfreude)
2. Iraq (schadenfreude)
3. Michael Jackson (racism)
4. Natalee Holloway (masturbation)
5. Afghanistan (schadenfreude)
6. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie (masturbation)
7. Hurricane Katrina (racism)
8. Cindy Sheehan (schadenfreude)
9. President Bush (monkey studies)
10. Tom Cruise (masturbation/schadenfreude)
banana

Naturally, our brothers and sisters in other nations are far more high-minded

TOP YAHOO! GERMANY SEARCHES

1. Routenplaner (burning desire to leave Germany)
2. Chat (burning desire to talk to non-Germans)
3. Erotik (masturbation)
4. Telefonbuch (burning desire to talk to non-Germans)
5. Wetter (burning desire to leave Germany)
6. Billigflüge (burning desire to leave Germany)
7. Horoskop (burning desire to think that life in Germany has some meaning)
8. Spiele (masturbation)
9. Partnervermittlung (fornication)
10. Sarah Connor (masturbation)

TOP YAHOO! ITALY SEARCHES

1. L'isola dei famosi (masturbation)
2. 'Bambola' Ramona (masturbation)
3. Laura Pausini (masturbation)
4. Britney Spears (masturbation)
5. Sabrina Ferilli (masturbation)
6. Brad Pitt (masturbation)
7. Madagascar (monkey studies)
8. Francesco Totti (masturbation)
9. Chat (masturbation)
10. Fiat (different kind of maturbation)

TOP YAHOO! AUSTRALIA SEARCHES

1. Michelle Leslie (masturbation)
2. Socceroos (oi!)
3. Hurricane Katrina (royseezum)
4. Jessica Simpson (mestubyshun)
5. Shuttle Discovery (shardenfroyder)
6. Live 8 (oi!)
7. Cars (mestubyshun)
8. Australian Idol (mestubyshun)
9. Delta Goodrem (mestubyshun)
10. Airbus (let's visit Jehmunny)

TOP YAHOO! FRANCE SEARCHES

1. Jeux vidéo (racisme)
2. Britney Spears (masturbation)
3. Jennifer Lopez (masturbation)
4. Jessica Alba (masturbation)
5. Humour (ong ong ong!)
6. OM (quoi?)
7. Lorie (masturbation, probablement)
8. Paris Hilton (masturbation)
9. PSG (le oi!)
10. Radio (rock et roll)

TOP YAHOO! CANADA SEARCHES

1. Tsunami (Canadians are very concerned about the well-being of their fellow men)
2. Paris Hilton (Canadians enjoy quiet, well-mannered masturbation)
3. American Idol (Canadians can appreciate the cultural achievements of their neighbors)
4. Canadian Idol (Canadians are proud of the original cultural achievements they have produced)
5. Karla Homolka (Canadians enjoy a celebrity murderer as much as the next industrialized nation)
6. NHL (Canadians are fond of hockey, a game you may remember hearing about in the past)
7. WWE (Canadians are pround of their contribution to the world of staged sports-entertainment)
8. Halloween costumes (Canadians dig 50 Cent)
9. Tour De France (Canadians respect and nurture their French-speaking countrymen)
10. Sudoku (Canadians like puzzle games)