January 27th, 2006

i love you

Whorin'

New Ludic Log today, the origins of which are slightly convoluted. Suffice to say, doesn't everybody love "Three Amigos" fan fiction, regardless of its pedigree?

Special thanks to my awesome girlfrend ninafarina first for making this piece possible and second for ensuring it would appear here.
hello?

Hits from the Raw

Brent "Walter Peck" Bozell: rappers are dumb.

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Hey, my pal Claire Zulkey was on the tee vee yesterday! Check it out.

Having not read A Million Little Pieces, I have little to say about it other than the handful of excerpts on Slate were pretty stupid. I am enjoying, as Delia Ephron put it, people's apparently limitless capacity to be surprised by the fact that most memoirs were initially pitched as novels. They end up as memoirs for three reasons: memoirs are hot right now; novels pay shit; and you can get away with being a worse writer if you claim your book is the true story of your life instead of a fictionalized account of what you wish your life was like. At any rate, I was highly amused at Oprah's meltdown yesterday. She continues to be able to make it (whatever it happens to be at any given moment) all about her: despite manifesting a teeny-tiny degree of shame by actually apologizing for her previous defense of the non-true truthiness of Frey's book, she generally took the line that it was all his fault for being a big ol' fibber and not very much her fault for reading the book uncritically and promoting it unceasingly. Mostly she came across as scolding him not so much for writing a ham-fistedly sexed-up version of his own life and presenting it as 'truth', but more for making her look bad.

My favorite moment came when Frey's editor, Nan Talese, slinked out to, among other things, make the claim that she didn't think anything was suspicious about the passage where he claimed to have gotten a root canal without anaesthesia, because she had done the same thing herself. Now, there was nothing unseemly about this blatant heap of bullshit -- editors lie all the time. That's practically their job. What was funny was how Oprah's audience immediately booed and groaned at this patent fabrication, just as they had immediately embraced the dentist story when she read it out of the book the first time. Oprah had declared that the book was true and real and great, and they all cheered; Oprah had declared that the book was false and decietful and wrong, and they all hissed. It must be nice not to have to figure stuff out for yourself.

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The whole Palestine election thing is doubly ridiculous. Bush has been pretending for five years that he gives a shit about democratic elections in the Middle East, and now that he's seen one that he can't stage-manage like he did the ones in Iraq, he's acting like someone sent him webcam footage of Jenna throwing up in a toilet.

And everyone -- but especially the US and Israel (in other words, the two parties most responsible for why the average Palestinian is in a near-constant state of rage) -- is acting like it's some kind of tectonic shock that a desperate, angry, poverty-stricken, religiously saturated, and essentially hopeless population just might vote for the party who feeds them a line of reactionary, tough-sounding, violent, defiant hard-liner rhetoric. In other words, the Bush and Sharon governments are expressing surprise that what got them in office also got Hamas in office.

Fucking absurd.
flavored with age

Hello, Friday! I love you! Climb my poll!

Poll #661121 James Freyday Poll!

Given the choice, which of the following depressingly commonplace Google search referrals leading to the Ludic Log would you MOST like to see?

"She-Hulk naked"
9(18.0%)
"Starfire naked"
5(10.0%)
"Rouge the Bat naked"
3(6.0%)
"teeth plaque conspiracy Metallica"
26(52.0%)
I would not like to see any of those, you creep
7(14.0%)

All right, then, who WOULD you like to see naked pictures of on the Ludic Log?

you
3(6.0%)
Elasti-Girl
2(4.0%)
Henry Kissinger
2(4.0%)
Babe Didrikson-Zaharias
2(4.0%)
James Frey
0(0.0%)
Prussian Blue
2(4.0%)
Arthur Fiedler and the Boston Pops Orchestra
2(4.0%)
V.
3(6.0%)
all of the actors who have ever played Dr. Who
7(14.0%)
Oprah Winfrey
1(2.0%)
Rin Tin Tin
6(12.0%)
MODOK
13(26.0%)
Midge Decter
0(0.0%)
Schroeder
4(8.0%)
Nan Talese
3(6.0%)

Given the level of interest in actual democracy they have displayed, what voting innovation would today's G.O.P. most likely embrace?

a "one dollar, one vote" system
17(34.7%)
voting machines that automatically reject any choices that have (D) in front of them
4(8.2%)
a new poll challenge where you have to present at least three different stock certificates in order to vote
11(22.4%)
a ban on news networks other than FOX reporting election results
5(10.2%)
special 'do-over' elections held on the request of incumbents
12(24.5%)

Select your taco options.

Soft shell
0(0.0%)
Hard shell
1(2.0%)
Corn tortilla
0(0.0%)
Flour tortilla
0(0.0%)
Cheese
0(0.0%)
No cheese
0(0.0%)
Beans
0(0.0%)
No beans
0(0.0%)
Meat (beef)
1(2.0%)
Meat (chicken)
0(0.0%)
Meat (fish)
0(0.0%)
No meat
0(0.0%)
Mild sauce
0(0.0%)
Medium sauce
0(0.0%)
Hot sauce
0(0.0%)

What outright fabrication do you look forward to putting in your memoir?

blowhard

SPECIAL BONUS FRIDAY POLL SUPPLEMENTAL

Poll #661345 Coultish

What is Ann Coulter's funniest 'joke'?

That we should invade Muslim countries, kill their leaders, and forcibly convert their people to Christianity
3(6.8%)
That it would have been better if Timothy McVeigh had attacked the New York Times building
1(2.3%)
That it would be a good idea to repeal the Emancipation Proclamation
2(4.5%)
That it would be a good idea to repeal the 19th Amendment
0(0.0%)
That someone should put rat poison in Supreme Court Justice Stevens' food
1(2.3%)
That we should ban Arabs from flying on commercial airliners, and they can get around using flying carpets
4(9.1%)
That there is a liberal media bias because conservatives don't have the money to start their own media outlets
8(18.2%)
That she was born in 1963
5(11.4%)
That she is funny
15(34.1%)
other (see Comments)
5(11.4%)