March 21st, 2006

flavored with age

More hitzen, more runzen

1. Well, Japan won the World Baseball Classic, sparing us endless handwringing coverage of shitheel Miami Cubans agonizing over whether or not it's okay to be happy for one fucking second as long as Fidel is still alive. Thanks, Japan! Also thanks for sushi.

2. I haven't been sleeping well lately at all. Part of it is my snoring/sleep apnea problem, which, though I have been led to believe has a very simple and non-invasive solution, has remained unsolved due to the molasses pace of the medical system. Or, perhaps I should say, the insurance system. But part of it is probably that I'm crazy stressed. So hopefully, once the move is made, I'll sleep better, or at least find a nice rock I can crawl under so as not to torment my poor girlfriend.

3. Speaking of the way I feel this morning, I found next to my car a handwritten note, in juvenile script on a Lisa Frank Post-It. It read "I don't like you". TELL ME ABOUT IT, UNIVERSE.

4. Over at Town Hall, which I am still too exhausted and strained to cover in any detail (sorry,'s gonna be grim around here until after the move), Mike S. Adams seems to be the runaway favorite for the coveted Biggest Asshole in the World Award. Honestly, would you ever in a million years want to take a class that this complete prick taught? I actually feel sorry even for the dim bulbs who end up taking criminal justice classes at UNC Wilmington.

5. There's a new episode of "Lost" this week, but I am forbidden to discuss it. So I would like to encourage you to post spoilers and discussion of the show in Comments which actually have nothing to do with the actual show. Instead, focus on spoilers involving nonexistent characters or plot points, particularly if you have never really seen "Lost". Thank you.
i love you

What we learned from last week's poll

- By the narrowest of narrow margins (23-22), you think I should indeed craft another poll regarding R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet", which I will probably do tomorrow. All those of you who voted 'no', especially if you haven't seen it, I must urge you to do so at once. It really is just the most amazing piece of art. Nearly 20% of you, incidentally, have Twan and Sylvester wondering what that smell is.

- The most popular St. Patrick's Day response was "O'Fuck that McShit", proving that vulgarity and ethnic stereotyping never go out of style. Next up was Guinness, fuck all haters and St. James Gate forever, followed by the awesome one-two punch of corned beef & cabbage and sectarian violence. Understandably, most of you would rather starve to death than drink green beer.

- To the question of whiskey, an overwhelming majority of you said "no thanks", which...I mean, that's just nutty. What's wrong with you people? It's the WATER OF LIFE, you sissy marys! Anyway, of those expressing a preference, the servicable if predictable Jameson product was the clear winner, distantly followed by the fine Tullamore Dew. I strongly encourage you, however, Protestant affiliation or no, to give Black Bush a try, as it is one of life's fine pleasures.

- When asked which Irish nationalist anthem should send pub visitors scuttling for shelter, most of you snidely pointed out that this was a frivolous question for me to ask, given that I am not Irish. To which I respond: I might be! And that's good enough for begorrah. There was no clear winner among those expressing a preference, so I must assume that you all found this question exceedingly fat-headed and would have voted thus if "this is a fat-headed question" were a clickable option.

- I will not be naming a winner in the 'suggest new poll questions' question; instead, I encourage you to stay tuned for this Friday's poll, in which I will actually be using your horrible suggestions. Thank you and God bless.

And now, a new feature at the Skullbucket: THREE WEEKS DEAD!

In which we examine the last 21 days worth of celebrity fatalities. Enjoy!

Name: Johnny Jackson
Date of demise: March 1
Famous for: drummer for the Jackson 5
Did you know?: probably the luckiest member of the Jackson family, all things considered
Cause of death: stabbed to death

Name: Ivor Cutler
Date of demise: March 5
Famous for: singing totally batshit songs that appealed to quirky Anglophiles
Did you know?: most famous person ever to be named Ivor
Cause of death: chronic tweeness

Name: Kirby Puckett
Date of demise: March 6
Famous for: being fattest Minnesota Twin in the Hall of Fame
Did you know?: slugging percentage higher with women than with baseballs
Cause of death: sweet stroke

Name: Gordon Parks
Date of demise: March 7
Famous for: introducing the world to John Shaft
Did you know?: was a bad motherf...
Cause of death: shut yo mouf!

Name: John Profumo
Date of demise: March 9
Famous for: embroiling England in the most notorious political scandal of the 20th century
Did you know?: got to bang Christine Keeler, so it was totally worth it
Cause of death: remembered certain events of 1962, suffered massive stroke

Name: Slobodan Milošević
Date of demise: March 11
Famous for: quirky governing techniques
Did you know?: pure murderous genocidal hatred reflected in bad haircut
Cause of death: devil come to claim his own

Name: Maureen Stapleton
Date of demise: March 11
Famous for: being constantly mistaken for her sister Jean
Did you know?: Jean Stapleton was not actually her sister
Cause of death: pulmonary heebie-jeebies

Name: Peter Tomarken
Date of demise: March 11
Famous for: host of crappy game show with catchy theme song
Did you know?: only moment of excitement in history of show came with unemployed ice cream truck driver figured out trick, won ridiculous amount of money
Cause of death: pressed his luck once too often

Name: Tara Rose McAvoy
Date of demise: March 12
Famous for: being reigning Miss Deaf Texas
Did you know?: in death, will provide tasteless joke fodder for the nation's second-largest state
Cause of death: hit by train while crossing tracks

Name: Lumumba Carson
Date of demise: March 17
Famous for: DJing for X-Clan under the name "Professor X"; founding team of young mutant superheroes
Did you know?: was the illegitimate son of Patrice Lumumba and Rachel Carson
Cause of death: some colored disease

Name: Oleg Cassini
Date of demise: March 17
Famous for: designing my fancy suit (and the fancy suits of other, lesser individuals)
Did you know?: despite witty demeanor and job as fashion designer, was not homosexual, and married 1940s bombshell Gene Tierney
Cause of death: really fucking old

Name: Mohammed Ali
Date of demise: March 19
Famous for: being confused with famous American boxer
Did you know?:starred in many great Pakistani films, including the celebrated Clerk, of which you have never heard
Cause of death: cardiac arrest after floating like a butterfly and being stung by a bee