March 23rd, 2006


I don't get it.

President George W. Bush, March 23, 2006: "The war on terror requires some clear doctrine. And one of the doctrines that I laid out was, if you harbor a terrorist, you're equally as guilty as the terrorist. And the first time that doctrine was really challenged was in Afghanistan. I guess the Taliban didn't believe us -- or me. And so we acted. Twenty-five million people are now free.", March 22, 2006: Afghan Christian Convert Could Be Executed.

Now, okay. Didn't we invade Afghanistan? Didn't we liberate them from the oppressive religious dictatorship of the Taliban? Wasn't the whole point of these fucking wars to keep this shit from happening? And as far as the Bush administration's toadies claiming that they want to respect the sovereignty of the Afghan government, since when have we given a shit about that? We didn't respect the Taliban's sovereignty. We didn't respect Iraq's sovereignty, either -- we invaded, overthrew their government, put in our own, rewrote their constitution, and enforced it by military strength until we were ready to let them vote on it. It's the same thing we did in Germany and Japan; it's S.O.P.

And currently, we have close to 25,000 troops in Afghanistan. Still. Add in the German, Italian, and Canadian troops, it's over 30,000. They can't save this one fucker's life? What are they doing over there? Why do we even have troops in the country if they're defending a regime where you can be executed for picking the wrong religion? This is ridiculous. If you fought a war, and a couple of years later, the country you fought is still putting people to death for defying the state religion, you lost the fucking war, and you need to stop going around saying you won and all the people over there are free.

This illustrates more than probably anything else what a horrific botch-job the Bush foreign policy has been. I mean, in 1949, you didn't see the goddamn Nazis in charge of every part of Germany except Berlin. In 1949, you didn't see the Gestapo still sending Jews to concentration camps and the American occupation forces shrugging their shoulders and saying "Hey, we'd love to help, but we have to respect their sovereignty; we don't want to put the president in an awkward position." If this guy gets waxed, then Bush claiming we won in Afghanistan is just another big fucking lie.
i give up

Only 6 days left at the office, and look how I spend my precious time

This stuff was all thought up a long time ago when people were like totally old and square and stuff. It's time for a change.

Monday: Sickday
Tuesday: Pizzaday
Wednesday: Humpday
Thursday: Bushday
Friday: Partyday
Saturday: ATVday
Sunday: Godday

January: Colduary
February: Shortuary
March: March (or Supportourtroopsuary)
May: Might
June: Summer
July: The Month of America
August: Summer II -- Summer's Revenge
September: Falltember
October: Hallowober
November: Votember
December: Christember
i own you peasants

44 Reasons L.L. Cool J is better than you

1. No rapper can rap quite like he can (rap).
2. He can take a musclebound man (other than himself) and put his face in the sand.
3. He will make you say "go, L.L.!"
4. He will then either do the wop, or make you say "do the wop". After you have said "go, L.L.!"
5. He has never met a motherfucker who can outrun him.
6. He's better (than you).
7. His rhymes are good.
8. He has a gold nameplate that says "I WISH YOU WOULD".*
9. Before his rhyme is over, he's going to win. You know it.
10. The kid (that is, L.L. Cool J) don't play. You can ask anybody in the crowd, and they will tell you.
11. Sparring competition is both his hobby and his job.
12. He doesn't wear a disguise, because he totalled the mob.
13. There are so many girls on his jock (dick), he thinks his phone is tapped.
14. He's bad (meaning good)!
15. He's like Tyson (back when that meant 'tough boxer', not 'crazy person').
16. His rhymes are made of concrete.
17. He had been rapping for ten years, as of 1987, which means by now he's been rapping for nearly thirty.
18. Even when he's bragging, he's being sincere. It seems contradictory, but it's true.
19. He makes MCs rust like tin (with his rhymes, not with water).
20. He has not relaxed even though he is making records.
21. He is the best rapper you've heard.
22. Prior to attaining the top of the charts, he used to rock in his basement.
23. He is punctual and does not deign to wait in queues.
24. Before engaging him, you have to learn how to rhyme. Because you don't know how, yet.
25. He is the pinnacle, which means he reigns supreme (it doesn't really mean that, but still).
26. He will crush you like a jelly bean.**
27. He eliminates punks by cutting them up in chunks.
28. He's so good, it's a shame (for you!).
29. He eats rappers like a cannibal (who eats rappers).
30. They call him insane (which would be true, if he really ate other rappers, but it's just a metaphor).
31. He enjoys what he's doing (rapping), PLUS he's paid in full! To boot!
32. He's not Buckaroo Banzai (but he's still awesome!).
33. He says the kind of rhymes (good ones) that make MCs wish he would die.
34. He is the baddest (goodest!) rapper in the history of rap itself.***
35. If you want a hit song, all you have to do is give him a pen and a pad and one hour.
36. He can beat (and eat!) MCs in a battle even without the cooperation of the referees.
37. His "Cool J cookies" are superior to Oreos.****
38. When he retires, he will be worshiped like an old battleship (that is worshiped by some sort of battleship cult).
39. His paycheck is large.
40. He is the original Todd. This seems unlikely, but it's true. There were no Todds before him.
41. He can take the skin from a snake and split a pea from a pod.
42. You try to brag, but you get your rhymes from a grab-bag (of low quality).
43. You are a no-good scavenger, and either a catfish and a vulture or a catfish vulture.
44. If a rap battle were a sculpture competition, his tongue would be a chisel.

*:Come on, that's pretty bad-ass.
**: When he says this, I get chills, for real.
***: I mean, seriously, HOLY FUCKING SHIT, right?
****: If there really were Cool J Cookies, I would totally eat them.