Nah. Nah. TASTE IT, PUNKS.
Man, what is up with this granola from Great Harvest?
I know! I can't stop eating it!
It's AWESOME like BLOSSOM
No thanks on the horse food
I don't care about your stupid Minnesota granola, Leonard
Remember when the Granola Gay dropped the a-bomb on those dirty Japs? GOOD TIMES!
How would you feel if you spent half the day reading depressing news stories and dipshit right-wing pundits?
Okay, but what if someone PAID you to do it?
Like a pretty pretty princess
Still suicidal, I'm afraid
For crissakes, don't jinx it, Leonard
Wait, you really ARE replacing James Lileks, aren't you? AREN'T YOU
Having already drunk an entire bottle of Robitussin DM, tried on 15 different hats while drinking 15 different shots, watched 12 hours of TV while changing the channel every ten minutes, eaten totally shitty food once a day for a year to determine the worst grocery item in existence, and watched every damn second of the Macy's Thanksgiving parade, and being about to go on a raw food diet for a week, what should my next self-abusive writing project be?
making bathtub gin to see if you go blind
developing a recreational crank habit
watching every episode of "Small Wonder"
jogging until my knees explode or for five minutes, whichever comes first
becoming an amateur boxer
ordering a 30-sack of White Castle sliders and eating all of them as soon as you finish the raw food diet
making every drink on the Hala Kahiki menu, then drinking them
eating animals, or parts of animals, you have never eaten before
taking half a bottle of Cialis and then attending a church picnic
re-creating Abu Ghraib abuses on yourself
I dunno, lifting a car or something
involving your girlfriend in any of these asinine projects
wait, you did WHAT now?
other (see Comments)
Safari totally blows and I need a more reliable web browser. Recommend one to me. Bonus points for being funny. Triple Kitty Bonus points for actually recommending one that won't suck.