Hey, I have the internet again! Good for me. Now I can waste the remaining time I have moping around in front of the universe and applying for jobs I either don't want or can't get. And best of all, I can annoy you, my dear friends and beloved fans, with stupid bullshit, just like the old days. Why not start things out with a poll, since no one likes them? They're a universal!
What is the most awesome thing about living with your mom at age 37?
When someone else says they feel like a failure, you can just laugh a small, shrivelled, bitter little laugh
Discovering that, yeah, you can pretty much sleep anywhere, if you have to
The feeling of having gone through a horrible, devastating divorce without the benefit of ever actually having been married
That delightful sensation of freefall, right before you hit the interstate at terminal velocity
You get to say "it's always darkest before the dawn" about six million times a day until the words lose all meaning
Is there anything NOT awesome about living with your mom at age 37?
Writing LiveJournal entries that are really depressing and pathetic and then thinking about how other people paid for them
It's not living with your dad at age 37
Built-in excuse for never getting laid again as long as you live
What do you like best about me?
That you're so, so sexy, Mr. I Sleep On a Floor
That you're slightly smarter than an extremely stupid person
That you don't have any money
That you never will have any money
That you lie about money because you're ashamed
That you bother to have any shame at all
Your impeccably short-bus fashion sense
That your only skills are completely useless and unmarketable
Your delightful combination of self-righteousness and severe personality disorders
You're the Dom DiMaggio of self-hatred
What kind of therapy should I get?
some New Agey horseshit
go straight for the drugs
what you need is Jesus
you should see an analrapist
what kind was Dr. Psycho?
just read more comic books, that seems to have served you well so far
How charming is my ability to translate my depression, self-loathing and failure into a cutesy internet poll?
Ten thousand times less charming than you think it is
Seriously, cut this shit out, for reals
Did you hear that lonelygirl15 is totally a fake? OMG.
What should I do now, in the context of LiveJournal?
Um...go back to being funny? Just a suggestion. Fuckface.
Shut it down, because it's your last outlet for human interation, and frankly, you don't deserve one.
Borrow content from people more interesting than you and pretend you wrote it.
What's Lileks up to these days? I bet his wife didn't kick HIM out. Although it would be funny if she did.
Post about the interesting things to do in San Antonio; that should eat up about one-sixth of a page.
Go back to updating the Ludic Log every day. I never read it, and now that it's not running anymore, I don't feel like I'm missing out on enough.
Well, there's always "52" and "Lost".
I hear the internet can be used to become a sexual predator. They had a thing about it on the news. THAT SOUNDS AWESOME, do that! Like, WHOA! PREDATOR! With claws and red racing stripes or something?
I sit here with no one telling me about the minor political malfeasance of people far more successful than you.
Oh, God, PLEASE more of this self-pitying, maudlin horseshit. It's such a joy to read.