October 10th, 2006

um...

Just for one day

Well, huh, how about that. Heroes actually managed to be good for once. And with Lost off to a good start, I just don't know what to think. STOP BEING GOOD, the teevee! It confuses me!

(Lead story on KENS-5, the worst local TV news in the world: teens busted for underage drinking because they blabbed about their party on MySpace. This was the lead story. OH AND ALSO NORTH KOREA DETONATED A NUCLEAR WEAPON, we'll have five seconds on that after sports, weather and the cheap gas update.)
stoopid with two Os

This is the kind of crap post that gets a "diary" tag

1. I don't know if it's the desk, or the chair, or just that I've been using the computer all day every day for about three weeks, but I am developing a fierce case of carpal tunnel syndrome. My forearm and half my hand is numb as hell. I'm trying to figure out how to fix it, but the closest IKEA is in Houston. Goddamn it.

2. I just picked up another fairly good freelancing gig. The writing jobs are coming with much more regularity here than they were in Minnesota, which is just ridiculous, but you don't hear me complaining. Now all I need to do is (a) get a real job and (b) actually get paid for the work I've already done, and I'll be sitting pretty. LOOK AT ME, I'M PRETTY

3. Actually, I'm not. I'm even grosser than normal, thanks to a shitty diet. There's not much in the way of organic produce here, the kitchen I have access to is woefully underequipped, and I don't have any of my cookbooks or kitchen stuff, so I've been eating way too much junk and getting doughy. I need to walk more, but there's not really anywhere to go, and I can't spare the $ for a gym membership. Starting this week, I gotta get my shit together or else when I return to Chicago, I will tip it over and it will fall into the lake. (I also need a haircut, for Christ's sake, what's wrong with me?)

4. You know who's a good writer, is Heinrich Boll. I've been reading The Clown, and that's just one impressive, evocative, well-written novel. Plus, unlike certain German authors I could name, he wasn't in the SS! Okay, well, he was in the Wermacht, but at least he didn't lie about it. Plus all his toes fell off. Like Carolyn Condit's thumbs.

5. Speaking of KENS-5, the world's worst local TV news, I was flipping through their job listings, because I inexplicably still think it might be fun to work in media, and I saw these listings (emphasis mine):

PHOTOGRAPHER - Photographer/Photojournalist - in News Department - Not an Actual Opening - Click MORE for additional details & Job Description... [More]

PRODUCER - Newscast Producer - Not an Actual Opening - accepting resumes for review. Applicant must have experience. Click MORE for additional details... [More]

REPORTER - Experienced Reporter who is self-starting and motivated - Not an Actual Opening - Click MORE for additional details... [More]


Ha ha, what?!? "Not an actual opening"? What the fuck does that mean? Are they just screwing around with people? Dear Mr. Parker, thank you for applying to KENS-5 for the position of Photographer/Photojournalist. You are more than qualified for the position, and we offer an excellent salary, benefits package and 401(k). Unfortunately, this is not a real position; we just made it up to fuck with you. Thanks for wasting your time, though, it was a real giggle.