October 23rd, 2006

bad motherfucker

Oh, Photoshop, why can't I force-quit you?

Let us say, for the sake of argument, you are funny and bored with nothing to do today.

Let us also say, to further this argument I am apparently making, that unlike me, you have some measure of ability with computer technology and graphics editing software.

Let us finally say -- let us please most especially finally say this -- that you are the sort of person who might be appalled by a charitable ad campaign, however well-meaning, that features intensely caucasian celebrities such as Elijah Wood, Heidi Klum, Richard Gere, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Sarah Jessica Parker in full-on Bantu drag, loudly proclaiming through the power of some 'daring' assfuck at an ad agency that "I AM AFRICAN".

If all these things were the case, I would beg you, beg you to go to this site and perform acts of vandalism upon the photos of white people found thereupon, posting the results here for all to see.

Thank you.*

*: Please note: this has nothing to do with the worthiness of combating AIDS in Africa, an unimpeachable cause. It has everything to do with some well-heeled shit in a New York ad agency committing yet another act of gross cultural cooptation by having a bunch of people whose ancestors are largely responsible for the mess Africa has become dress up behind a bunch of Stella Chiweshe records and express solidarity with people whose lives are roughly five billion times worse than theirs. Thus making the whole thing, as this entry proves, all about the celebrities and the ad agency rather than about the poor people with the awful disease. Maybe a better thing would have been to show some actual Africans, perhaps, with the slogan "THEY ARE HUMAN", which makes it about solidarity with your fellow man and implies that when anyone suffers, we all suffer, instead of showing a bunch of Americans with the slogan "I AM AFRICAN", which makes it about me me me hey everybody look at me. Just a suggestion.
the one with your name on it

Shakin' the crime stick

Organized CRIME!

- Russia: chest hair, big rings, too much cologne, hookers, forgetting where you left your handgun.
- Southeast Asia: tricked-out ricers, heroin, home invasions, underweight, cutting faces with razors.
- Eastern Europe: gasoline smuggling, grunts, chop shops, rotting meat, vodka.
- South America: gold chains, pattern baldness, unscheduled flights, favelas, mountains of cocaine.
- Israel: military training, falsified cargo documents, odd hats, friends in Brooklyn, "the cause".
- Irish: cut throats, Boston accents, used cars, Winter Hill, sending money back home for the boys.
- India: living in the jungle, banditry, film production, Islam, eventually running for office.

Petty CRIME!

No proof of insurance. Shoplifting. Software piracy. Illegal downloads. Traffic violations. Cash under the table. Perjury.

Songs about CRIME!

1. "Burn Berlin Burn", Atari Teenage Riot (arson)
2. "Beat on the Brat", the Ramones (assault)
3. "Blackmail", the Runaways (extortion)
4. "Magneto and the Titanium Man", Paul McCartney & Wings (robbery)
5. "The Boiler", Rhoda Dakar (rape)
6. "In the Basement", the B-52s (counterfeiting)
7. "Drugs in My Pocket", the Monks (possession)
8. "Riot", the Dead Kennedys (looting)
9. "John Walker's Blues", Steve Earle (treason)
10. "The Gun", Lou Reed (weapons possession)

By the way, and this is mostly just for thaitea -- you know the fat bearded ex-junkie who tries to help Bubbles get clean in The Wire? That's Steve Earle.

These people need some ERACE bumper stickers

Speaking of those childlike negroes, Town Hall really pulls out the stops today in the Racial Sensitivity department. Check it:

Walter "Williams!" Williams says black people are capable of being taught; just look at how good they are at basketball!

LaShawn Barber says that we shouldn't let Deval Patrick get away with treating homos like human beings just because he's black.

And Harry R. Jackson, Jr. says it's time for black Americans to stop being raped by baby-killing Democratic slave-masters.

The great thing is, ALL THESE PEOPLE ARE BLACK! I think Uncle Ruckus is taking over Cal Thomas' old spot next week.