October 24th, 2006

stella stella can't you hear me yella


It's Old Home Week at the Ludic Log! Yes, due to other commitments (of course I refer to reading "Pogo" comics and watching the same two episodes of Futurama over and over again until the Scotch kicks in), I've been forced to resort to some, er, "gently used material" at my other website. But, hey, unless you're some kind of sick fanatic stalker who reads every word I write -- and that can't be more than 120, 140 of you -- then you may have missed this stuff, and it's new to you! So here goes:

Thursday was the day I did some major renovations to the site*, so I present to you a recycled bit about television shows I have attempted to produce only to encounter bullheaded resistance from the small-minded Philistines at the networks and the insane asylum.

Friday featured an original, albeit brief and crappy, piece wherein two unidentified persons engage in high-larious conversation.

Saturday was lists and sausage, as is every Saturday. Only some of these are regurgitated. (Note to new readers, of which I apparently have some: "sausage", as regards my website, refers not to actual ground meat in casings, but rather a whimsical term for my current reading lists, dining choices, viewing habits, leisure activities, and so on. "Lists" refers to lists.)

Sunday features a link. It's to the Dugout. Goddamn, the Dugout is funny. Except when it's mawkish. Which it is the last week or so. Cut that shit out, the Dugout.

Monday is another exciting installment of "Not Good Enough for Them, But Good Enough for You Theatre". This is where a piece I tried to sell to someone gets rejected (or, in this case, accepted, quite some time ago, and then killed), and rather than being a man and shopping it around some more, I just shrug and dump it in the Ludic Log so I don't have to think of anything new. Anyway, it's about dead jazz musicians.

Today features a short story I wrote a while back and have never been able to find a home for. I always kinda liked this one, so enjoy...you're the first people to see it other than my ex and a handful of editors who don't know quality when it punches them in the sack. Cheers!

*: One of those renovations was a major remake of the Other Writing section of the Ludic Log. If you've ever wanted to spend several days wading through a partial selection of my fiction, humor and freelance writing, including several bits people have actually given me money for, by all means go yourself nuts.

Sure, vote Democrat...IF YOU WANT THE WORLD TO END!

The conservative talking heads, who apparently smell the gamey tang of their rotting party in the air, are on a crusade to terrify voters into not doing what they're clearly going to do -- that is, vote (D) in the upcoming elections. And even though the presidential elections are still two years away, they're getting in their licks already, claiming that whoever the Democrats run will most certainly destroy our nation, plunging us into a horrible economic nightmare and very likely giving Osama bin-Laden the keys to our nuclear arsenal. The Democrats, of course, are fighting back with their usual effective tactics of flailing around, wincing and yelling "NUH UH".

To that end, I have compiled the following voter guide that the DNC can use, free of charge. Collapse )

Oh, Craigslist, I think I love you

Plucked from the pages of Craigslist Chicago, by my pal Rob "Fighter Bomber" Novak. Your speculations as to the appearance, social proclivities, inner life, and possible future adventures of the poster welcome in comments.

I Wanna Do POP style "DIVAISH" music!

Reply to: comm-224881352@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-10-23, 11:01PM

I'd really like to perform covers of Mariah Carey, Aretha Franklin, and a lot of others. I've created some songs and worked with a few people doing music, but I unfortunately never had the experience of performing and working with a dedicated band consistantly.

I've done a lot of karaoke and I'm amazed at the experiences I've had.

I wrote an e-mail to someone inquiring about an ad that I'd like to share!

My name's Mandy and I'm from Bolingbrook, IL. Honestly, I don't know much about House music but I do like that one song, "I feel like a brand new day" by Andy C. Basically, I love singing. I've made a few songs myself, but can't play guitar very well. I've worked with people before doing [original] rock stylish songs [but I'd be open doin covers if they're mainstream], but it's really not my style. I love singing covers of Mariah Carey, especially ol' school like "Vision of Love". I also made (sing) my own version of Billy Vera's "At This Moment" with a very soulful vibe. I have a myspace but honestly, don't think it shows my talent very well. I'm sure you're extremely busy but I know I'm in my prime when I sing my fav songs doing karaoke on stage. The more people, the better I tend to do. In other words, I really thrive off of my audience. I know you may think I'm full of s***, cause you have no idea who I am. But in my prime I've experience people coming up to m e on many occasions, "Have you tried out for Idol?". "How do you sing like that?".... "If I could sing like that?"... etc. One woman, cried before... and made me cry after I did Christina Aguilera's "The Voice Within". Another came up to me and told me I gave her chills.... I've always received compliments. I begun to adapt the motto, that if I don't receive at least one compliment a night from anywhere I sing, be it hole in the ground, or packed place, that I haven't done my job. I'm not sure if I'm right for you, but I would appreciate the opportunity to at least sing for you or hear some of your material. And I love dancing too. I don't do it every night, but I've been to the Bamboo Room in Lombard... and they usually play the top 40s stuff.

Thank you for your time and if you have any questions...Let me know!

Also, I've been told by some semi artists that I have talent. While in Vegas some guy named Darryl with the Platters that I have a gift. I didn't know who he was until some woman in the bathroom asked me if I knew who I was talking to. I just treated him like I would anyone. And then some guy from karaoke at Boulder Station in Vegas end of Sept said he was going to hook me up. He said he'd call me and gave me his card www.moccalive.com. On here it says Winfred Hatch, but the guy said his name was Nemo or Deno or Demo. It was loud, I can't remember. ANYWAYS. But you know how that goes, people promise you things but seem to never follow through. It's a tough market.

Thanks again and I appreciate your time!

Mandy Poolo

Oh I forgot to add...

I'm 23. I think I'm attractive although I always could look better. :P I'm single. And I have a car.
god bless the internet


(from "Borat: Cultural Learning...")

Hey, buddy

What the f... is your problem? Everyones make fun of other cultures! So calm the f... down! What you are doing now is proving how much Cohen or Borat(you oughta know him, hes from KZ!) is right, taking the piss out of Eastern Europe. Cos a lot of westerns, including myself have a stereotypical image of Eastern Europe (cheap prostitues and 20 years behind), which we love to joke about, ALTHOUGH we all know its not true! Get it?

So maybe you should not watch comedies. Cos what they do is joke about people...

We all know that your country is A LOT different to what we see in Borat...Right?

hehe....Im going!

(from "The Santa Clause 3")

weasleygirl86: They had a behind the scenes thing earlier in the year and it showed the cast and Mrs. Claus has a baby bump. And I have seen previews and she's pregnant and in the one commericial it looks like Santa conjures up a baby mobile. Why!?!?!

forbidden_love2015: sadly yes she is pregnant i read it today on movies.yahoo.com and i couldnt believe it...i'm completely stumped how this movie will turn out*

(from "Stranger Than Fiction")

MattRookard1: This is exactly the same as a Twilight Zone episode where someone is writing this guys life. Though he didn't hear voices this is exactly the same.

pol1film: Have you seen this movie yet...I think not. It is NOT exactly like the Twilight Zone episode. Not even close. Why don't you see the movie then comment on how it's exactly alike.

MattRookard1: No, from the preview it seems like this is like the Twilight Zone episode. I doubt you've even seen the Twilight Zone nor know what it is. You try to act smart but you just yourself look stupid... I love people like that.

preachercrawling: From the preview it may seem like that, but it isn't. Like he said, go see the movie, and then bring your opinions to this board.

zengato: I'm sure you love yourself quite often.

MattRookard1: I should have know most Will Ferrel fans are total idiots.

pinkfloydfan73: You sound like an idiot yourself.**

(from "Flags of Our Fathers")

R Orbin: Yah the Japanese did honorable things like murdering no fewer than 369,366 Chinese men, women, and children were and "disposed of" during the rape of Nanking?

or how about the Bataan Death March where the starved and tortured 10,000 American and Filipino P.O.W.'s?

You liberals make me sick!

kanaric1: not every japanese soldier was evil, you must be brainwashed if you think that.


Haha. You need to go back to school.

It's you who are crying like a lib about things that happened over 60 years ago.

You sound like those black folks that keep asking for slave reparations.

Or the illegals that don't acknowledge the border because to them it was wrongfully taken from them.

Or the Hawaiians that want to secede for the same reason.

Or the native tribes in the US that occupy both US and Mexican territory that are letting illegals and who knows who else in.

99% of those who bitch about Japanese 'murders and disposals' are squarely in the 'liberal' camp.

Even the author of 'The Rape of Nanking' was so bitter she killed herself over it.

Man up. You closet libs are funny.

(from "Catch a Fire")

'm a little wary when I saw the trailer with Tim Robbins as the "evil" white South African, as he's in the far left crowd and most likely bought the politically correct Marxist critique of the old South Africa.

Anyhow, to anyone who has actually seen it, is it propaganda, or an even handed depiction? South Africa is now the crime and murder capital of the world, and has a host of other social ills that the old government seemed to control, so what's the deal with this film?

it seems that it's the stereotypical bad white people, sublimly spiritual and humane oppressed non-white parable. That's really popular nowadays.

Whether Robbins played the eeeeeeeevil White Man,or even if he played the one Good White Man(In the fevered,childish view in such films,there's only one or two good Whites in stories like these),he wouldn't do such a film if it showed Whites as being right overall.

For the last 35 years - AT LEAST,now,that Unholywood has churned such one-sided propaganda out.***

*: Seriously, y'all, someone saying they're COMPLETELY STUMPED at how The Santa Clause 3 will end is my favorite thing ever.

**: This conversation is reproduced verbatim.

***: Also, the entirety of the message boards for Death of a President are non-stop political crank hilarity.