November 8th, 2006

hello?

The President is a Demmy-craaaat!

Well, no, he isn't. But, as cynical as I am about the prospect of any major change coming about as a result of the elections (the real damage has already been done with the spineless behavior of the Congress we've had the last six years), ain't nothin' bad about the results of yesterday's elections.

And, of course, that means: whiny conservative columnists! Let's watch.

Some of the comments at Free Republic (via Wonkette):

This is a truly disgusting night. Outside of 9-11, I cannot think of a worse day. I really want to hurt somebody.

***

The Jihadi’s have won. They have proven they have a stronger will than America. They are now emboldened.

***

OBL has won, who would have imagined that the MSM/DNC would succeed in giving Saddam and Sons, OBL, Bill Maher, Keith Olberman, and John Kerry a victory. We have no choice now, the commie vampire media must be destroyed.


Lileks, possibly joking but it's hard to tell with him anymore, on why he's not blinded by partisanship:

For those of you who sent...peppery email about what a shill/hack/tool I am, I would have voted for Lieberman if I lived in Connecticut.

Over at Town Hall, we haven't gotten the really juicy columns yet, because most of this stuff was written yesterday before the elections were decided, but the mood is still pretty negative all around, ranging from pouty (Paul Weyrich) to delusional (David Keene) to rabid (Michelle Malkin) to surprisingly reasonable (Michael Medved, of all people). I'm sure tomorrow will bring some pretty hilarious columns (Ann Coulter should be coming to bat this inning), but for now, I have to amuse myself with Phyllis-Schlafly-in-training Carrie Lukas telling the women of America, who she apparently believes have never voted before, that having elected Democrats, they are going to learn a hard lesson about how putting the left in power only leads to disempowering women, in the form of repealed upper-class tax cuts, a higher capital gains tax, federal assistance with daycare, guaranteed health care, and an increase on the minimum wage, "none of which benefit women". HA HA HA

Anyway, congratulations, Nancy Pelosi! Don't fuck it up, god damn it.
on a steel horse I ride

Now that the boring-ass elections are done, let's talk about video games!

Overstock had a sale, so I bought "Justice League: Heroes" and "Bully".

The former: eh. It's okay; the gameplay is pretty easy, and it's always fun for a big geek like me to be able to play superhero. A few of the characters are a blast, particularly Zatanna (who has one of the few good voice-actors and some hilarious powers, like turning her opponents into bunnies), and there's always the comics-nerd frisson when someone like Queen Bee shows up. But there's nothing in the way of roleplay or character, there's no free play, the environment isn't worth exploring even where it can be, and the structure of the thing is straight-up punchout/get from one end of the room to the next. It holds my attention to exactly the point where I can pick which character to play, but beyond that, it's just "What would it look like if Martian Manhunter did...THIS?". So: eh.

The latter: holy shit. Now, I ain't sayin' this can rival GTA:SA, the greatest vidya-game of all times, but man, I am having an absolute blast playing it. Big, open-ended, great voice-acting, fun missions, gorgeously mapped-out and detailed environment, plenty of fun to explore, and (as you might expect from the Hausers, who are to to video games what Grant Morrison is to comic books) funny as hell. There's also some swell original music (I could listen to the main theme, that bass-heavy thing that plays when you're just tooling around the school, all day), and the social interaction actually works a bit better than it does in GTA:SA. "Dead Red Revolver", a huge letdown, proved to me that I'm not a total mark for Rockstar, but "Bully" has won me back to the fold in a big way. It's just a huge amount of fun. Definitely worth the chunks of my life I've wasted on it!

More later, I gotta go to chemistry class...
dude!

In "News I Wish I Were Making Up" news...

...advertisers will broadcast disembodied voices only you can hear, asking if you've ever contemplated murder.

Boy, how could THIS one possibly go wrong? Especially since they're going to pilot it in New York! Next up, I assume, are anonymous handwritten letters reading "WHY DONT YU JUST FUK THAT TEENAGER NEXT DOR" and holographic visions of angels projected on your bedroom ceiling at night that tell you to burn down a synagogue.

Sometimes people ask me why I am so down on advertising. This here? This is one reason I am so down on advertising.
funny ha ha

I apologize deeply for this entry

On occasion, you will hear me -- or sometimes calamityjon -- talk about the "ten percenter joke". What this refers to is a joke whose referent or subject is so obscure, whose humor is so contingent on an arcane cultural or social or linguistic idea, that only ten percent of its readers have a chance of understanding it, let alone enjoying it. I have amended such references to my own humor to "one percenter jokes", revolving as they do around gags, if you can call them that, so abstract that the audience for them consists of me, Jon, Tony Isabella and, I dunno, Richard Rorty.

Recently, like yesterday, I had a humor pitch to a major web humor reservoir rejected. I thought it was pretty funny, but the editor of this site -- a man I've worked with before, who has offered high praise for my little laff-makers, rejected it as "too obscure". That is fair enough. So fair, in fact, that it got me to wondering: I think I'm kinda funny, but people who think they're funny are usually 100% wrong. And I am certainly amenable to the charge that any humor value the things I write might initially possess are smothered in their crib by the three hundred metric tons of obscurity I shovel upon them as soon as they come home from the Comedy Hospital. I make Ian Frazier look like Shecky Greene, which in itself is a ridiculously obscure reference and further evidence as if any were needed that I am a sick man who can't control himself.

Now, here's the thing. I don't actually enjoy being so obscure that no one likes my jokes. I'm not saying I want to drop the content of my humor writing to King of Queens levels, but completely alienating my audience isn't actually a goal of mine. Sure, it's gratifying when I get one people HAW HAWing at my literary theory goofs and six hundred staring blankly, but I actually do make a small amount of money writing humor, and I would like to think that my audience could theoretically be larger than one percent of the people on my LiveJournal.

Hence this deeply embarrassing administrative poll. The other day, I posted a poll containing a joke question concerning the film Fur: An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus. Now, I thought the jokes in this question were funny, but now they seem like a perfect example of my asininely overcomplicated sense of humor. So I'd like to ask you, the shame-filled and inexplicable Skullbucket reader, a few questions. Please answer honestly, or at least provide funny write-in votes. This is not about you being dumb; this is about me being dumb.

Thank you and good night.

Poll #863202 The One Percenter Poll

Do you know that there is actually a film called "Fur: An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus"?

Yes
30(41.1%)
No
42(57.5%)
Maybe
1(1.4%)
None of your goddamn business
0(0.0%)
Other
0(0.0%)

Do you know who Joseph Beuys is?

Yes
19(26.0%)
No
50(68.5%)
Maybe
4(5.5%)
None of your goddamn business
0(0.0%)
Other
0(0.0%)

Do you know who Reed Waller is?

Yes
10(13.7%)
No
58(79.5%)
Maybe
5(6.8%)
None of your goddamn business
0(0.0%)
Other
0(0.0%)

Do you know who Dorothy Wiggin is?

Yes
8(11.0%)
No
61(83.6%)
Maybe
4(5.5%)
None of your goddamn business
0(0.0%)
Other
0(0.0%)

Did you vote for the "Furley: An Imaginary Portrait of Don Knotts" option because you thought it was the funniest answer, or because Don Knotts was the only person on the list you recognized?

The former
11(15.1%)
The latter
6(8.2%)
I didn't vote for that option
50(68.5%)
None of your goddamn business
2(2.7%)
Other
4(5.5%)

Do you, as a rule, find my jokes to be too obscure?

Yes
2(2.8%)
No
36(50.0%)
Maybe
30(41.7%)
None of your goddamn business
0(0.0%)
Other
4(5.6%)

Am I funny?

No
0(0.0%)
You're funnier than some of the people on my Friends list who think they're funny
60(82.2%)
Funny-LOOKIN'
9(12.3%)
The fact that you would pose this question answers it. Also you suck.
1(1.4%)
You know who's funny? __________ is funny.
3(4.1%)

Where is the "Arrested Development" season 3 DVD I ordered two weeks ago?

It is in the mail
12(16.4%)
It has been lost
8(11.0%)
They never sent it in the first place
18(24.7%)
I don't know
21(28.8%)
Remember when John Green said your jokes are "too postmodern"? You really should have taken that to heart.
14(19.2%)