December 4th, 2006

banana

Took a poll on Monday and my heart stood still

Da doo ron ron ron, da doo ron ron*.

Poll #881504 Pollin' Springs Water

What do you like about the zoo?

Watching animals fucking
1(1.9%)
Watching animals shitting
0(0.0%)
Not watching the animals do anything because they're sleeping behind a fake rock
3(5.8%)
Hoping that the tigers eat someone
8(15.4%)
Thinking about how the employees got advanced degrees in biology and now they entertain six-year-olds and clean up elephant barf
6(11.5%)
Thinking about how all the animals will be extinct in ten years
4(7.7%)
Paying $8.50 for lemonade
0(0.0%)
The ZOO? The ZOO?
7(13.5%)

Who is your favorite recurring character from "The Dugout"?

Jim "THIS IS JI" Thome
2(3.8%)
Manny "Gandy" Ramirez
1(1.9%)
Alex "OOOH NO JOO DINT" Rodriguez
1(1.9%)
Pete "Aw Brussels Sprouts" Rose
0(0.0%)
Dontrelle "Trade the Train and Ya Trade Ya Brain" Willis
3(5.7%)
Barry "Baseball Has Nothing to Do with Barry Bonds" Bonds
0(0.0%)
Kyle "I'm Like the Black Jim Thome" Farnsworth
2(3.8%)
Sidney "GraaaaAARG" Ponson
1(1.9%)
Dmitri "Where Dem Grits" Young
0(0.0%)
Jeffrey "You're Fired" Loria
1(1.9%)
someone else
1(1.9%)
I don't even know what the hell
41(77.4%)

Which area of your residence, aside from your bedroom, is your preferred location for sexual intercourse?

the living room
17(31.5%)
the dining room
0(0.0%)
the kitchen
5(9.3%)
the terlet
2(3.7%)
the basement/attic
0(0.0%)
the car-hole
0(0.0%)
the shed
0(0.0%)
the swimming pool
0(0.0%)
the porch/patio
3(5.6%)
the closet
0(0.0%)
the kids' room (fucking deviant)
0(0.0%)
a special room I build and which I call the "have-sex room"
4(7.4%)
other
6(11.1%)
none of your fat beeswax
9(16.7%)
I do not have sex
8(14.8%)

Which of the following statements best describes your attitude regarding me and my worldview?

You are right and everyone else is wrong.
2(3.8%)
You are right and everyone who does not completely agree with you is wrong.
3(5.8%)
You are right, but ego issues prevent me from admitting it to myself, so I vainly claim that you are sometimes wrong.
17(32.7%)
You aren't right about everything, just the things about which you have expressed an opinion
11(21.2%)
I'm sorry, I can't answer this question because I am too overwhelmed by feelings of admiration and love for you.
19(36.5%)

What do you want from this LiveJournal for Christmas, little boy/girl/self-selected gender identity?



*: This is what passed for meaningful lyrics in previous generations.
nah I'm just fuckin with you

Or maybe "You can't lick the price"

So I got this freelance ad copy gig, coming up with a slogan for the American Blowjob Advisory Board. I wouldn't have thought it needed that kind of promotion, but things are tough all over, I guess.

Anyway, I'm thinking of going with "The most fun you can have between two legs."