December 14th, 2006

ho ho ho

Please please please let me get what I...what?

There seems to be no end to my generosity. The inexplicable Christmas wish of the remorseless calamityjon was for me to start creating hand-drawn mazes for your amusement.

Now, I can’t draw; I don’t own a scanner; and I have never created a maze. But I have never let a complete lack of ability, technology or experience get in the way of trying something. Therefore, I present to you Collapse )
hear ye hear ye

Thursday letters

Dear U-Haul,

You know how you have picture on the sides of your moving trucks that show notable people, places and things from the origin state of the truck? I saw one today that was from Nebraska, and the picture on the side was a rhinoceros.

Say what?

yours,
Leonard

***

Dear my mental health care professional,

Tonight, unless my mood lifts, I will be telling you that I'm pretty down. Please do not take this as a sign that your badgering me to get on pills is working.

yours for the time being,
Leonard

***

Dear my internet at home,

Why aren't you working? I have three freelance assignments due and some very important dicking around to do. Please repair yourself at once, and give me a million dollars.

yours angrily,
Leonard

***

Dear my job,

Thanks for the cookies! I appreciate all the support, praise and responsibility you've given me since I started, even though I know it's a trap. Also, you were just kidding when you said "please accept these in lieu of pay", right?

yours breezily,
Leonard

***

Dear the church near my home,

"CHRISTMAS - CHRIST = MATERIALISM" is your best marquee ever. Keep up the good work.

yours piously,
Leonard
blowhard

Our country: a beacon of hope

Some people ask me why I read the right-wing sites, since they alternate between moronic and offensive. Usually, my answer is "because they're funny", but on occasion -- like during the days following Rachel Corrie's death -- they get so grim and awful that I take a couple of weeks off.

Guess how many comments into the articles at Free Republic and Little Green Footballs it took for someone to hope that Tim Johnson dies so the GOP can regain political power?

If your answer is "less than two", you'll understand why I've decided to give these guys a rest until next year.