December 19th, 2006

ho ho ho

I'm thinking of putting the moves on that hot little number Angela, from accounting

Today is my first big holiday party at Yellow Rectangular Border Publishing! I’m quite excited. We get a three-hour lunch at a downtown restaurant reputed to be excellent, but I’m not holding my breath in that regard as my experience with fine dining here in San Antonio has been a bit deflating. However, lots of people asked for booze on their Secret Santa lists, which I’m taking as a very, very encouraging sign. I plan on being lit up by the time I get back, so don’t count on me for coherence; instead, go read this hilarious Star Parker column where she suggests that the worst kind of racism is the kind where white people help black people.

Also, rarely has a poll yielded as much uniformity as the near-universal suggestion that I get nice and plastered to avoid dealing with my family over Christmas. A few of you suggested that I help people by volunteering at a soup kitchen, which is a lovely thought, but does not take into account that I kinda hate this city and wish everyone in it would die. Therefore, doing things to prolong the life of even its poorest citizens is at cross purposes with my own plans for them.
ho ho ho

If you will it, dude, it is no poll

Today, I’m going to make not one, but FIVE of your LiveJournal Christmas wishes come true! That’s just the kind of generous motherfucker I am.

frippy wished for “more polls”; tamisevens wished for “more of the same”; conrad_zaar wished for “something terrible”; thehighhat wished for “more polls about sex, panties and the American Way”; and rjwhite expressed no wishes whatsoever, which I’m interpreting as meaning “two polls in one week, you fat lazy asshole”.

And so, to kill five small, adorable baby birds with one huge, ugly stone, I present:

Poll #891718 THE LAST POLL THIS SITE WILL FEATURE UNTIL 2007, I PROMISE

Sex is:

overrated
7(12.1%)
underrated
6(10.3%)
rated exactly where it should be
21(36.2%)
rated X, haw haw
17(29.3%)
it's been so long since I've seen it, I can't really remember
7(12.1%)

Do you have a special pair of underpants you wear when you think you might be gonna get lucky?

I have more than one pair like this
23(39.7%)
I have one pair like this
4(6.9%)
I do not have a pair like this
16(27.6%)
I don’t wear underpants
2(3.4%)
I refuse to answer this question
2(3.4%)
There has never been a time in my life when I thought I might be gonna get lucky
10(17.2%)
I not only own such underpants, but am going to describe them to you because I am a bad person
1(1.7%)

What is more important – truth, justice or the American Way?

truth
11(19.0%)
justice
16(27.6%)
the American Way
0(0.0%)
truthiness
7(12.1%)
the Injustice Gang of the World
4(6.9%)
Amway
0(0.0%)
Batman
11(19.0%)
underpants
9(15.5%)

Which films would you go see that combine variants on the words/phrases “sex”, “panties” and “the American Way”?

“Sex Panties USA”
7(13.0%)
“American Panty Sex”
2(3.7%)
“Yankee Boxer Fuck”
9(16.7%)
“Panties: The Story of an American Sexual Garment”
9(16.7%)
“Rocky VII: Sex Panties and the American Way”
7(13.0%)

What is your favorite holiday episode of a TV show?

party time

My life is an emotional drinks coaster

1. I went to work today. I overdressed, as I often do.

2. Also, I recently got a haircut, and the tonsorial revanchist cut it way too short.

3. So I tried to hide in the shadows all day.

4. Unfortunately, we had the annual Christmas party, and the horrible people I work with plied me with their devilish potions.

5. Most of the rest of the day is a blur.

6. When I got home, there was a lovely card from the lovely tawdryjones being lovely in my mailbox!

7. I decided to pass the time by playing a little "Fight Night Round 2" on the ol' Playstation, and while creating my boxer, I decided to ink him up. The first choice for an arm tattoo was describe, onscreen, thusly: "SHAUNA: DECORATE YOUR ARM WITH THE NAME OF YOUR BEST GIRL." Man, way to send me into a spiral of depression, video game.

8. Now I'm going to watch The Match Game while reading the new Pynchon novel, which I think is the only reasonable thing to do. The end.