January 3rd, 2007

stella stella can't you hear me yella

Prostitution



Also to feature:

~ A delightful omni-bus of useful and whimsical inter-net locations ~

~ An increased emphasis on relentless self-promotion ~

~ Repurposed content that drew no cheers when first it appeared ~

~ Occasional amateur photography, celebrity interviews, & multimedia jiggery-pokery ~

~ Helpful indices of popular content, including the Billy’s Prison Diary series, the Crappys, comic book encyclopedia recaps, foto funnies, guest entries, hilarious dialogues, and other bits which have proven inexplicably enduring ~

MANY THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT
all those attending the grand re-opening will receive a gift of paper
um...

I don't get it

There's a very popular morning radio show here in SA, on the largest Spanish-language station. It advertises on buses, huge billboards, even television spots. It seems to be a wacky "morning zoo"-type of show, with wacky hosts engaging in zany antics that were last funny around 1970 (or, given my theory that Mexican pop culture is about twenty years behind American pop culture, 1950). The part I don't get is that the most popular feature on the show, featured in every single ad, is a drag performance.

A drag performance. On the radio.
blowhard

I gotta get to this jackass in a "Profiles in Bullshit" revival

Pat Robertson Predicts 'Mass Killing'

In what has become an annual tradition of prognostications, religious broadcaster Pat Robertson said Tuesday God has told him that a terrorist attack on the United States would result in "mass killing" late in 2007.

Hey, thanks, God! Where was your prognosticating ass in 2001?

Robertson said God told him during a recent prayer retreat that major cities and possibly millions of people will be affected by the attack, which should take place sometime after September.

I think if this doesn't happen, millions of people in major cities should get to punch Pat Robertson in the nuts. In fact, I think that should be allowed even if it DOES happen.

Robertson said God also told him that the U.S. only feigns friendship with Israel and that U.S. policies are pushing Israel toward "national suicide."

This makes Israel sound like a moody goth teenager.

In 2005, Robertson predicted that Bush would have victory after victory in his second term. He said Social Security reform proposals would be approved and Bush would nominate conservative judges to federal courts. Lawmakers confirmed Bush's 2005 nominations of John Roberts and Samuel Alito to the Supreme Court. But the president's Social Security initiative was stalled. "I have a relatively good track record," he said. "Sometimes I miss."

Ha ha, oh, Pat, you giant asshole.

In May, Robertson said God told him that storms and possibly a tsunami were to crash into America's coastline in 2006. Even though the U.S. was not hit with a tsunami, Robertson on Tuesday cited last spring's heavy rains and flooding in New England as partly fulfilling the prediction.

"Okay, so I was wrong about there being a tsunami, but I was right about there being heavy rains and coastal storms, just like there have been every year in American history! So, pretty good!"

"I'm not necessarily saying it's going to be nuclear," he said during his news-and-talk television show "The 700 Club" on the Christian Broadcasting Network. "The Lord didn't say nuclear. But I do believe it will be something like that."

GOD: No, now, Pat, I didn't say nuclear.

PAT: So, what, then?

GOD: I can't tell you. It's a secret.

PAT: A secret?

GOD: What kind of omnipotent, benevolent god would I be if I provided you with useful and specific information?

PAT: Well, can I guess?

GOD: I'm not saying you can and I'm not saying you can't.

PAT: So it's not nuclear.

GOD: Not necessarily. Maybe it will be. I'm not saying nuclear.

PAT: Will it be something like nuclear?

GOD: Like nuclear? What's like nuclear?

PAT: I dunno. Atomic?

GOD: Geez, Pat, come on.

PAT: Biological? Radiological? Chemical?

GOD: Maybe.

PAT: Plague of frogs? Machete attack? Laser space cannon?

GOD: I have to go. I have a full raft of appointments today. There's all kinds of sparrows falling without permission because I'm sitting around playing twenty questions with you.

PAT: I guessed it, didn't I? I know that face! It's a machete attack, right?
blowhard

Apparently there is no shutting me up today

A discussion recently took place about whether or not it’s acceptable to write for publications you hate. My position: if they pay me, and don’t completely squash my creative input, I’ll write for anybody.

For instance, as much as I despise them, I would be more than happy to take Heritage Foundation money to write a column for Town Hall, if such an offer was made. I wouldn’t even want to be their token lefty; instead, I would assume a suitably vitriolic persona based on the theory that in order to survive, America must forsake its pantywaist, old-Europe commitments to civil rights, freedom and democracy, and embrace a level-headed and brutal pragmatism to fight the hordes of Islamists, one-worlders and hippiecrats trying to destroy our nation. Sort of a combination of Pat Buchanan, Dennis Prager and Ed Anger. And I would trash-talk all the other right-wing columnists for being too soft. Also, this persona would involve me pretending to be a 92-year-old woman.

Look, I have even written some sample headlines for my hopeful new gig:

“I DON’T KNOW IF AMERICA STILL HAS THE MORAL FIBER TO KILL 50,000 PEOPLE WITH BAYONETS”

“IN MY DAY, WE SENT SOLDIERS TO SHOOT PEOPLE LIKE MICHELLE MALKIN”

“I DON’T KNOW WHAT MULTICULTURALISM IS, BUT I DO KNOW THAT HINDOO FOOD GIVES ME THE AWFUL TROTS”

“I HEAR THE ARABS HAVE THEIR OWN TV SHOW NOW! WHAT’S NEXT, A TALKING NEGRO?”

“DO WHAT THE PRESIDENT SAYS OR THE AMERICAN LEGION WILL WRECK UP YOUR HOUSE”

“PRESIDENT BUSH NEEDS A HAIRCUT”

“JONAH GOLDBERG MAKES A GOOD POINT, FOR A DIRTY JEW”

“I WISH THE POLICE WOULD SHOOT THE HIPPIES NEXT DOOR TO ME, LIKE THEY DID IN THE SIXTIES”

“DEMOCRATS SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO VOTE ANY MORE UNTIL THEY START DOING IT RIGHT”

“THERE ARE PEOPLE AROUND HERE WHO AREN’T CHRISTIAN, AND IT JUST MAKES ME SO MAD”

Come on, Scaife! Give me some money.