January 8th, 2007

stella stella can't you hear me yella

Whorin'

I got a rather tremendous amount of writing done this weekend, and that's with getting my oil changed, looking at different neighborhoods in SA, going to the dry-cleaners1, reading most of a book2, and watching season 1 of Penn & Teller's Bullshit3. I would be rather proud of myself if I was the sort of person who was ever proud of myself4.

Among the things I wrote this weekend:

- Several music reviews5.

- A bunch of ad copy5.

- A lengthy hip-hop thinkpiece5.

- A new chapter of the novel I will never finish, much to the joy of readers worldwide.

- The beginnings of a script.

- A book pitch.

- Today's Ludic Log: how to address the issues of our times.

Yes, the Ludic Log has finally debuted its latest reboot! This will feature new content daily according to a rigorous, if completely arbitrary, schedule; an updated Links page, CV, and Other Writing section, for those who just can't get enough of the colossal and entirely unrewarding timesuck that is Leonard Pierce; and, best of all for the new visitor who wants to know what anyone could possibly get out of my website other than fruitless attempts to see She-Hulk's butt, a sidebar update containing links to indices6 of some of the Ludic Log's more popular content (and yes, I am fully aware of the highly relative nature of that word 'popular' in this instance). Enjoy; more is to come.

1: How I Look Today, for How Leonard Looks Today fans: slightly less fat than yesterday, and in dire need of a haircut, again. Otherwise, like a total melvin7.

2: Elliot Perlman's Seven Types of Ambiguity, an okay but not great novel.

3: Enh. The writing is really spotty, the choice of targets is often bewildering, and the editing is pretty shabby, which leads to confusion about whether or not the "expert" you're watching is supposed to be on the side of the angels or not. But it has some funny moments, Teller's little mime bits are great, and there's nothing that can win me over like giving me a bunch of 'intelligent design' halfwits to hate.

4: But I'm not.

5: This is stuff I will actually get paid for. The rest is just jerking off, but a man's got to have a hobby.

6: Canny observers, or anyone who is not blind, may note that the links to the first several incices -- you know, the ones most people might actually want to see -- are present but invisible. I don't know why this is, and I don't know how to fix it, because my HTML skills are best understood in terms of Butterbean's boxing skills: they may, at some level, exist, but they are not things that anyone is going to brag about. I tried all sorts of things to fix this, including changing the font color, combing through the code for errors, rewriting the whole section, and yelling "goddamn motherfucker" to the computer really loud, but nothing works. I can't figure out what's wrong any more than I can figure out why, on the index pages themselves, some of them show up as underlined and some of them don't. If anyone else out there likes doing a bunch of tedious work for a stranger with absolutely no reward, by all means, have at it; you will earn my undying gratitude and the satisfaction of fixing a really annoying problem so that you don't have to look at it anymore. You will also earn nothing else.

7: I'd take a picture, but as you may remember, the TSA stole my digital camera. Along with this guy's shock absorber.
banana

I wish these things were better, I really do

I keep thinking of good poll questions during the week, but then I forget them. Maybe I should write them down or something. Anyway, do this one.

Poll #902708 It may be stupid, but it's a tradition

How could Saddam Hussein’s execution been made even more dignified?

His corpse could have been stuffed with firecrackers and set off over the skies of Baghdad.
3(5.7%)
He could have been subjected to taxidermy and made into a full-size marionette, which would then be used to teach Iraqi children important lessons about not being a dictator.
17(32.1%)
He could have been machinegunned while his corpse dangled from the scaffold, and also torn apart by monkeys.
4(7.5%)
He could have been forced to wear fake Groucho glasses and a clown wig while giving his last words.
17(32.1%)
There is no way it could have been more dignified than it already was, with the hooting legions of his axe-grinding political enemies catcalling him and some yutz with a cell phone filming the whole thing.
12(22.6%)

What do you think of David Icke?

Crazy
0(0.0%)
Funny
0(0.0%)
Crazy-funny
2(3.8%)
Funny-crazy
1(1.9%)
Anti-Semitic
0(0.0%)
Anti-Lizardic
2(3.8%)
I don’t think the Son of God would have played for Hereford United
2(3.8%)
He’s no L. Ron Hubbard
6(11.3%)
I think he's right
0(0.0%)
Who's David Icke?
26(49.1%)

What are you going to do when the Islamist hordes take over America?

Die.
3(5.7%)
Hide in a yurt until the Chinese kill the Muslims and give me a job in a plastic tubing factory.
9(17.0%)
Convert. I am already growing out my beard.
2(3.8%)
That will never happen because we will totally kill them all.
0(0.0%)
Make smug faces at my liberal friends as we are all led off to death camps.
5(9.4%)
Get used to the taste of freeze-dried foods and loneliness.
0(0.0%)
Start hiding all my pornography.
3(5.7%)
Hope that Batman will save me.
13(24.5%)
Join my brothers in jihad and help them blow up photo booths.
0(0.0%)
Sustain myself with memories of what martinis tasted like.
4(7.5%)
Wait, which Islamist hordes are we talking about?
14(26.4%)
Other (see Comments).
0(0.0%)

What activity involving grown men pounding on each other produces the most hilarious results?

boxing
2(3.8%)
wrestling
11(20.8%)
Ultimate Fighting
4(7.5%)
Toughman competitions
7(13.2%)
hockey
1(1.9%)
baseball
3(5.7%)
spring break
5(9.4%)
Little League games
12(22.6%)
hanging out at Leonard’s place when he’s been at the bourbon
6(11.3%)
I am opposed to violence, even wimpy sissy violence like this
2(3.8%)

What is the most unsatisfying thing on which you regularly spend money?