February 13th, 2007

cap'n hedgehog reporting for duty

My name is Clive, and I'm a...

Yesterday's final poll question ("All of the sudden you are a man named Clive, and you have a large moustache in an outdated style. What do you do for a living?") yielded possibly my favorite poll results ever. I love the text-entry poll questions, because y'all can be counted on to come through with the good answers more often than not; someday I'm gonna do a big post of just my favorite answers to those, and, I dunno, send the authors a shiny nickel or something.

Meanwhile, the estimations of how a man named Clive with archaic facial hair might earn his keep tended to break down into fairly distinct categories:

1. Manual laborer (plumber and barber being the most common, but also including street-sweep, stevedore, car wash attendant, button factory line worker, and porter)

2. Sex worker (I'm not sure what about men with facial hair name Clive spells kinky sex to some of you, but answers included gigolo, dandy, freelance sodomist, porn film actor, and mustache ride provider)

3. Occupation involving some antiquated industry or trade (seller of penny-farthing bicycles, civil servant to the Raj, old-time baseball player, elixir salesman, elevator operator, firkincrafter, and zeppelin mechanic

4. Bartender and/or haberdasher

5. Purveyor of violence (boxer, thug, petty criminal, weightlifter, pimp, or would-be murderer)

Of course, there are no right or wrong answers, just as it is not the case that "all of a sudden" is more 'correct' than "all of the sudden" (since both are idioms, grammatical correctness does not enter into the equation). But if I were still giving out awards for best response, frontrunners would include picodulce's conception of Clive as a second-string outfielder somehow transported in time to our era from baseball's distant past; elston's "professional Crimean War reenactor"; and roseyv's elaborate answer:

I am a vendor and purveyor of gentleman’s grooming preparations and accouterments: pomades, macassars & cetera: Spruso, and Bardsley's among others. I do a topping business, sir. Topping. Perhaps you might care to view my sample case?

Well done, folks! As your reward, here are some photos of moustachioed men named Clive, and what they do for a living:

Fish

Write books about soccer

Professional Canadian WWII correspondent impersonator (no, really)

Be typecast as a 'happy dad' in British TV commercials

Instruct young persons in the physical sciences

Marry Margaret Drabble

Serve as rector of a New Zealand boys school

Act as head of school in Applied Musicology

Pilot ultra-light aircraft

Play steel drums in a band sponsored by a tobacco company

So now you know.
mighty cola

Tuesday Whimsey

Since the Ludic Log and Clown Central Station are both so awful, how about something no one will enjoy? Post a comment saying which you want, and I will come up with a dance craze or mixed drink for you.