March 6th, 2007

blowhard

In case you missed it...

The CPAC (Conservative Political Action Committee) had their annual convention over the weekend. CPAC is one of the most powerful, high-profile right-wing lobbying groups in the country, so all the blowhards think of it as their time to shine. This year, everyone was talking about a deliciously daring chain reaction among the GLORY (Gorgeous Ladies Of Right-Wing Yutzery); in case you haven't been watching, I present you with this recap. The role of Ann Coulter will be played by Bebe Neuwirth with a bad dyejob and six kilos of Brazilian up her snout.

THE EVENT

MITT ROMNEY, G.O.P. CANDIDATE FOR PRESIDENT: Ann Coulter, ladies and gentlemen! She's great!

CROWD: (applauds.)

ANN COULTER: I'm shopping around for a new book deal!

CROWD: (listens to sound of crickets chirping.)

ANN COULTER: Uh...I don't have anything to say about John Edwards, because you can't say the word 'faggot'!

CROWD: (alternates booing and cheering.)

MITT ROMNEY, G.O.P. CANDIDATE FOR PRESIDENT: Ann Coulter, everybody! She's so 'controversial'! Please vote for me.

THE REACTION

MICHELLE MALKIN: I think what Ann said was tasteless and appalling, and did terrible harm to the conservative movement. Can I have her job now?

ANN COULTER: What's the big deal? I'm an entertainer! I'm giving the people what they want!

KATHRYN JEAN LOPEZ: Yeah, seriously. Who didn't know this was going to happen? Also, can I mention at this point that Mitt Romney is dreamy?

JONAH GOLDBERG: Liberals have done things much, much worse. Although I can't think of any of them right now.

PAMELA OSHRY: How do we know that John Edwards isn't a faggot? I think he owes us an explanation.
banana

Tuesday trivium

- If I liked the Arcade Fire, I would be really upset about how much their new album sucks. Luckily, I do not like the Arcade Fire.

- Yesterday, I pulled a freelance assignment to interview Neko Case. This is my fifth time interviewing the lovely and talented singer-songwriter, and I am considering petitioning the National Writer's Union for a clause that guarantees that if you interview someone four times or more, they should have to make out with you. However, this could easily backfire, because later today, I am interviewing, for the second time, Lou Barlow.

- Last music-related bit until tomorrow's Idol-fest: I finally realized what I like and don't like about Katherine McPhee, last year's AI shoulda-won. Here's what I like about her: she's Laura Branigan. Here's what I don't like about her: she's Laura Branigan.

- My tax refund, and a fat and healthy one it was thank you very much NWU discounted tax prep services, arrived yesterday, and I celebrated by paying a bunch of bills and tamping down some debt. Deciding that I needed at least one tangible consumer goose out of the thing, I went out and bought a new digital camera. For those keeping track, this is my third in three years; the first just stopped working exactly one day after the warantee expired, and the second was stolen by the Transportation Safety Administration, who as you may recall are not unionized. Anyway, this one's pretty tricked out, so I'll try to prepare some San Antonio pics, some snaps of my hideous visage, and maybe even a video or two for those of you* who are interested before the thing gets run over by a car next week.

- I am going to stop complaining evermore about not having enough time to do things. It's insulting for someone with an actual life and responsibilities to hear that from a slack-ass loser like myself, and a lot of the things I don't have time to do are frivolities like my personal websites which I only don't have time to do because I'm doing paid freelance work, and it's unseemly to bitch about that. I will say, however, that I bought this 60 Hikes in 60 Miles of San Antonio book (ninafarina) and I had one for the Twin Cities, and we got a ton of use out of it, and I figured that since I'll be down here for a while I might as well try and enjoy the surroundings), and I was thinking "Man, I'd love to get out for a nice hike", and then I looked at a calendar and realized that the next time this will be even remotely feasible will be the end of April.

- Speaking of books, since the Cultural Sausage section of the ol' Ludic Log (which I'm going to keep updating, just more sporadically than chronically) doesn't get the timely treatment it's used to, here's three recent reads that I recommend wholeheartedly: David Quammen's Monster of God: The Man-Eating Predator in the Jungles of History and the Mind; Corey Robin's Fear: The History of a Political Idea; and Susan Straight's novel Blacker Than a Thousand Midnights.

- I also picked up a new wallet, since the ol' Big Black leather model is on its last fold. Unfortunately, the one I purchased, unbeknownst to me when I bought it, does not have a studded loop in which to insert a chain ring! A more mature person than myself would take this as a sign that maybe it's time to grow the fuck up and stop wearing a chain. Me? I'm shoppin' around for a leather punch.

- I may have asked this before, but Austinites (and anyone else who's going to be in town for South By Southwest), anyone wanna go with me to this? The lineup can't be beat -- I mean, just the comedians alone is a goddamn constellation of awesome -- and neither can the attractive price of zero dollars and no fuckin' sense. I'll be there for as much of it as I can stay conscious for, and I'm pretty sure a few out-of-town pals and at least one of my co-workers will also be there. If you wanna hook up pre-, let me know; I won't even hit you all up for a floor on which to sleep. Just one of you.