March 12th, 2007

stella stella can't you hear me yella

Whorin'

There is a new Ludic Log entry up today, but it's so bad I dast not link to it. I honestly don't even know why I bother anymore, except perhaps to preserve the illusion that I have some ability to write things other than the content provision work people pay me for. (As an unrelated but equally whiny aside, I have officially hit the point with my crappy novel where I no longer think it's even remotely worth a shit.)

Huge self-pitying rant about my crap writing deleted! Aren't you all lucky today.
no comment

No, YOU suck!

I'm not looking to blame anyone. I mean, I don't really have to. Look, that is. Not blame anyone. Obviously I have to blame someone, and that someone is you. But I don't have to look, because you're standing right there. Which is why I'm not looking to blame anyone.

Naturally, in a complex situation like that, there is plenty of blame to go around. For example, a huge amount of it -- let's say 95% -- lies with you. But another, significant if smaller, 4% lies with your friends, your supporters, and the people who helped make you the way you are. As for me, well, let's just say that 1% has a home. Its home is with the people who weren't supportive enough of me.

I am not trying to find fault. This is not a fault-finding mission; it is a fact-finding mission. I am on a mission to find the facts of whose fault this is. All indications are that it is the fault of you, but that is something that will have to wait for verification before I tell everyone else about it. There are some things -- most things -- that are your fault, and some things that are my fault, such as putting you in charge of this when it should have been clear to me how incompetent you are. And then there are things that are nobody's fault, that are just fate, like the unnatural depths of your stupidity and malice, and my trusting nature. But let's focus on the fact that the fault lies not in our stars, but in ourselves. Mostly yourself.

This isn't "the blame game". Blame is not a game. It is a sacred trust. And I consider it an almost holy duty to place the blame where it belongs, which is with you. I know you want to blame yourself for most of this, but that would be wrong, and I can't let you do it. Please look deep inside your soul and find the strength to blame yourself for all of this. No one is entirely blameless in these circumstances, but I am as close as you can get, and you are the opposite. Entirely blameful, I would call you, if that was a word, which it may well be.

Not that I'm pointing fingers. It's rude to point fingers, and I don't do it. If I did, I would point them all at you, and I would buy a giant foam rubber "WE'RE #1!" hand and point that at you also, and get one of those light-up signs with an arrow at the top and the marquee would read "THE ONE TO BLAME" as it pointed at you. I would also buy a compass and replace the 'N' for north with 'B' for blame, so that it would always and unfailingly point directly at you, and I, by comparison, would be standing in Antarctica. But I am not pointing fingers, because my fingers are busy composing this letter telling you how you ruined everything.
party time

Your Monday Poll

Not a poll question, just a wish: happy birthday to ninafarina.

Poll #944924 Mondaypolist

What's your favorite sense?

sight
22(40.7%)
hearing
9(16.7%)
taste
5(9.3%)
smell
3(5.6%)
touch
4(7.4%)
"sixth"
3(5.6%)
balance
0(0.0%)
proprioception
1(1.9%)
thermoception
0(0.0%)
nociception
1(1.9%)
common
6(11.1%)
other (see Comments)
0(0.0%)

What loser would have made the best president?

Thomas Dewey
0(0.0%)
Adlai Stevenson
3(5.6%)
Barry Goldwater
3(5.6%)
Hubert Humphrey
4(7.4%)
George McGovern
10(18.5%)
Walter Mondale
3(5.6%)
Michael Dukakis
3(5.6%)
Bob Dole
3(5.6%)
John Anderson
0(0.0%)
Ross Perot
3(5.6%)
Al Gore
22(40.7%)
John Kerry
0(0.0%)

What do you do with candles?

I use them for illumination in a physical sense
6(11.1%)
I use them for illumination in a spriritual sense
0(0.0%)
I use them for decorative purposes
1(1.9%)
I use them to make a room smell nice
5(9.3%)
I use them to set things on fire
1(1.9%)
I use them for sexual purposes
0(0.0%)
I use them to make wax impressions of my fingerprints
1(1.9%)
I put them on stage when my crappy goth band is playing to make us seem deep
0(0.0%)
I mount them on a wall on a special hinge that makes a secret passage swing open when I pull it
7(13.0%)
other (see Comments)
1(1.9%)

What would you like me to write about you?

a poem
3(5.6%)
a short story
2(3.7%)
a novel
2(3.7%)
a play
3(5.6%)
a comic book
8(14.8%)
a song
3(5.6%)
an essay
0(0.0%)
an opera
6(11.1%)
a non-fiction book
1(1.9%)
a biography
2(3.7%)
a brochure
4(7.4%)
an ingredients label
8(14.8%)
a caption
5(9.3%)
a blog entry
6(11.1%)
I would not like you to write anything about me, you talentless creep
1(1.9%)

Who do you like in the Big Sporting Event?

i brung you purty flowers

March Clinical Insanity

I do not now, nor have I ever, known anything about college basketball. I did not graduate from college, and even if I had, I would not care about collegiate athletics of any kind. (I even played college sports, and I could give less than a shit about my former team. I could maybe name three guys who played for them after me and have no idea if the team was any good post-1993.) When I was a huge NBA fan, my interest in college basketball was limited only to the players my team picked in the draft, and now that I am only a casual NBA fan, I couldn’t tell you who the best college player in the country is for a thousand dollars.

However, I’ve never let total ignorance and lack of interest in the subject stand in the way of my giving an opinion on something. Herewith, my NCAA tournament picks.

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There you are! Bet accordingly.