March 22nd, 2007

time for a beatin'

Am I hep yet?

EVENTS OF THE PAST WEEK RANKED IN ANNOYANCE LEVEL AS COMPARED TO OPPONENTS FACED IN "PUNCH-OUT", "SUPER PUNCH-OUT", AND "MIKE TYSON'S PUNCH-OUT"

my digital camera running out of batteries and I can't find my rechargeable batteries: Glass Joe

Stephanie getting voted off American Idol: Don Flamenco

the continuing Gilliganification of Locke on Lost: Bear Hugger

Spider-Man becoming "dark": Piston Hurricane

my relative lack of progress on the EMP Pop Conference presentation I have to give in a month: Von Kaiser

having to write vaguely threatening letters to publishers who owe me money, and also being really stressed out about whether or not I'll get a major freelance assignment I've been angling for because the editor is taking her sweet fucking time letting me know what's up: Dragon Chan

getting turned down for the third year in a row for a 33 1/3 book: Bald Bull

contemplating the causal relationship between the fact that I can name from memory all the opponents in "Super Punch-Out" and the fact that I will probably never have sex again: Piston Honda

the crazy Nixonian speech the President gave the other day: Vodka Drunkenski

sleep deprivation: Kid Quick

my upcoming visit to the dentist to get a cap put on: King Hippo

the headache and slight fever I am currently suffering: Great Tiger

being a fat whiny loser: Pizza Pasta

the internet going down at my house for the fifty billionth week in a row, necessitating another two-hour phone call to Time-Warner: Super Macho Man

the prospect of having to get a Texas drivers' licence and plates in like a week's time, combined with the Social Security Administration's still not having gotten me a replacement card even though I applied for one about five months ago: Mr. Sandman

not being a bad enough dude to save President Ronnie: Mr. Dream (Mike Tyson)