March 28th, 2007

it's magic

A BRIEF HISTORY OF HUMAN CIVILIZATION (an ongoing series)

Part 1: The First Tribes

IG: Boy, I sure am hungry.

MOG: Me too.

YEG: Maybe we should go out and look for food or something.

NUG: Look at those guys over there. They already have some food.

YEG: Maybe they'll share it with us. They have a lot.

NUG: I wouldn't. If I was them? I wouldn't share it with us.

MOG: Especially with us.

NUG: Yeah, fuck us. That's what I'd say if I was them, and not us. Let us get our own food. That's what they're thinking.

MOG: Bastards.

YEG: We could ask them.

NUG: Sure. We go over there and ask them, and the next thing you know, they're bashing us under the chin with a big rock.

IG: Like we did with that guy who talked funny.

NUG: Don't kid yourself, Yeg. They'd kill us as soon as look at us.

MOG: And take our food.

YEG: But we don't have any food.

MOG: Probably because they took it already.

NUG: I mean, look at how much they've got.

IG: What should we do?

NUG: I think we should kill them and take their food.

YEG: You just said that was bad.

MOG: It's bad if they do it to us.

NUG: If we do it to them, it's just self-defense, so they don't do it to us again.

IG: Did they do it to us already?

MOG: Probably. Look at all their food.

NUG: The guy who talked funny? He said they did it, like, a million times. That was the last thing he said, was "Avenge my death", on them. For taking our food and killing him.

YEG: I thought we killed him.

NUG: Whose side are you on, anyway?
hail to the chump

clearly, it's time to go home for the day

Hey, don’t miss out on what I’m cookin’
You’ll miss finger-lickin’ on some funky chicken
Stickin’ with the fucked-up sauce to get savored
So come on in as Big George kicks the flavor
‘Cause I’m like a mad bull snortin’
Hammer you like Orton
Beat you down like I did Ken Norton, son
Drivin’ down Rodeo
I’m the king of your kitchen and El Reyo Boxeo
Crazy fat-reducin’
So I’m wearin’ Van Heusen
I think I’ll drink, punks and oranges I’ll be juicin’

HERE IS SOMETHING YOU CAN’T UNDERSTAND
HOW I COULD JUST GRILL A MAN