March 30th, 2007

stella stella can't you hear me yella

Whorin'

Today's Ludic Log: corrections and retractions.

Also, those of you who subscribe to Blueprints, the trade journal of the produce industry, can today enjoy a gigantic article by me on the Chicago International Produce Market. The article almost kilt me, but I survived, and am looking forward to spending the giant check I received on Blow Pops and ribbon candy.
i brung you purty flowers

Just a Friendly Game of Baseball

Crappy battle rappers funky freestyle foes
If you step up to the plate I’ll show you how it goes
With a knuckleball I’ll fuck you all with deadly throes
Tossin’ crazy heat when it comes time to close
And now I’m up to bat, and I won’t step on toes
But I’ma drop you in the order lest we come to blows
Delivering so many hits I’m like Pete Rose
So stay out of my halls, you bunch of Shoeless Joes
Burnin’ up the basepaths like my man John Blaze
Steal like Randy Johnson deals out backwards Ks
And you’re the bird in midair that the Unit slays
Catch your body in my cap like I was Willie Mays
I’ll see you flee the scene like Lee Elia, always cursin’
While I throw like Ichiro and I don’t need rehearsin’
You’re like Griffey with an injury that needs some nursin’
Just as Spin goes out like Rickey talkin’ mad third person
Breakin’ every barrier like Jackie R.
You can’t pass me like Mantle couldn’t pass the bar
Put the Hoytin’ on you like I’m named LaMarr
You’re demoted to the minors while I’m named All-Star
I can shut you out on acid, so they call me Dock
I can knock you out one-handed, so they call me Spock
I can run you down on cocaine, so they call me Rock
And I lay down crazy pipe, so call me Pete LaCock
Makin’ A-Rod money, havin’ Babe Ruth games
Stayin’ Ripken healthy, droppin’ Selig names
Now quit pissin’ on your digits like Moises Alou
Just step up to the plate and show me what you do!