April 6th, 2007

doomsday

Tell me somethin' good!

Here are some Good Friday facts about the day that God was forced to murder his only child because we wouldn't listen to him.

- "Good Friday" symbolizes the torture and death of Jesus, which saved us all from having to go to Hell and suffer forever for breaking a bunch of rules God made up. After Jesus died, all those rules changed anyway, so it might seem sort of pointless, especially in light of the fact that God, being omnipotent, could have eliminated sin from the get-go. But on the other hand, you get to fast!

- Mainstream Christian churches teach Christ's crucifixion and subsequent resurrection as the conquest of death itself. For Jesus, at least. Everyone else continued to die.

- "Good Friday" really means "God Friday". "Friday" means "Frey's Day". So really "Good Friday" means "God's Frey Day". The two are not on speaking terms. Armenians call it "High Friday" and Russians call it "Passion Friday", although getting high and physically expressing your passion are both considered sins. In the Holy Land, it is referred to as "Big Friday" and is followed by "Sabado Gigante" (GALAVISON, 7:30PM or check local listings.) The Chinese, who tend to be straightforward about such things, call it "耶稣受难日": "Jesus' Crucifixion Day".

- If you work in a place with a lot of Catholics, you probably don't have to work on Good Friday.

- In Poland, many people erect a tableau of Christ's tomb, and people parade past kissing the wounds on his body. This is referred, in the Orthodox liturgical tradition, as "gross". In the Phillipines, processionals often include self-flagellation and, on occassion, the nailing of one's self to a cross as a sign of penance. This is entirely different from what followers of Islam do during the hajj, because Muslims are crazy.

- In many English-speaking countries, Christians celebrate the holiday by eating hot cross buns. This symbolizes Jesus' death on the cross, and how he had a really tight ass. It also allows for followers of Christ to experience some of his deprivation and suffering, by eating a pastry with no jam, abstaining from sausage one day out of seven, not getting to go to the horse track, or having to take the day off of work.

- The Good Friday Experiment demonstrated the shocking fact that people are a lot more likely to have mystical revelations and spiritual visions if you crank them full of drugs first.
mmmmm delicious

Pescebianco Livornese

I have needed to cook more for a long time now, in order to become less fat. I am very, very fat these days, fat like a cow, fat like Fat Jesus, fat like a planet that is actually a big fat man. Soon I will have access to a better-equipped kitchen, but in the meantime, I do what I can. What I can, last night, was this:

- 2 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
- 1/2 diced yellow onion
- 2 cloves minced garlic
- 5 tomatoes, drained, chopped and cooked
- 2 tbsp minced capers
- 1/2 cup Empeltre olives, drained and chopped
- 1/2 tsp dried crushed red pepper
- 1 tbsp fresh parsley, chopped
- 1 tbsp lemon juice
- 1 lb lake whitefish

1. Heat oil and saute onion until tender. Add garlic and saute for 1 minute. Stir in tomatoes, capers, olives, red pepper and parsley. Bring to light boil and simmer for 10-15 minutes.

2. Spread half of tomato mixture in a baking dish and arrange whitefish filets in a single layer. Drizzle with lemon juice and top with remaining tomato mixture.

3. Bake for 15-20 minutes or until fish is flaky at 400 degrees. Baste once with tomato mixture while baking.

4. Serve with a huge jug of martinis to ensure you don't get any work done after you eat.

I forgot to take any pictures of this, so instead, here's a picture of a whitefish and a person from Livorno.

bad motherfucker

not bad meaning bad but bad meaning good

All I ever do anymore is read about the Wu-Tang Clan. It'll all be over soon, but until then, choke on this.

Poll #961556 Wudentity

I am really more of a...

RZA
4(9.1%)
GZA
1(2.3%)
Method Man
4(9.1%)
Ghostface Killah
4(9.1%)
Raekwon the Chef
0(0.0%)
Inspectah Deck
1(2.3%)
U-God
1(2.3%)
Ol' Dirty Bastard
5(11.4%)
Masta Killa
2(4.5%)
Cappadonna
0(0.0%)
other Wu affiliate (see Comments)
1(2.3%)
I can't decide
4(9.1%)
I don't know what the fuck you're talking about
9(20.5%)
wait, which one is the black guy?
7(15.9%)
slow day at work, fatty?
1(2.3%)