June 8th, 2007

blowhard

You people are the best friends a left-wing crank could ever have

In less than 24 hours since announcing the great "SEND LEONARD TO CPAC 2008" project, you guys have come through like gangbusters! I've already gotten nearly enough donations to pay for plane fare, and you've coughed up close to 20% of the total needed for me to go to Washington in February and rub greasy, disgusting elbows with the likes of baby-drowning tax-hater Grover Norquist, antifeminist crone Phyllis Schlafly, professional virgin Ben Shapiro, terror-appeasing immigrant Dinesh D'Souza, race hustler Roy Innis, screeching dingbat Michelle Malkin*, and all-around horrible human being Richard Viguerie. And that's just the first day!

Some of you have asked: since there are lots of legitimate charities that need our support, and since many of your readers are strapped for cash, and since you yourself are doing well enough to subsidize this trip on your own, why don't you just pay for the whole thing yourself? The answer is complex and difficult, but to put it as simply as I can, I don't want to. And that's where you come in! But I feel like you should get something more personal out of this than just reading about it after it happens. So I'm offering PREMIUMS! Yes, that's right: if you give to the Send Leonard to CPAC 2008 Project, depending on the amount, you will receive one of the following exciting giveaways, tailored especially for you!

- for a donation of $5, I will send you one of the horseshit begging letters I'm going to get from GOP bigwigs for the next year after going to CPAC!
- for a donation of $10, you will receive some crazy right-wing nut literature I pick up at CPAC!
- for a donation of $20, time and availability permitting, I will ask the CPAC panelist of your choice an embarrassing question you select!
- for a donation of $50, I will wear an item of clothing of your choice that will get me stared at by the CPAC mouthbreathers!
- for a donation of $100, you will receive a special tailor-made t-shirt featuring your favorite right-wing conservative!

This is going to be so much fun. FOR ME! But also for you, in the knowledge that you helped make something wonderfully stupid happen. TO ME! Please, my generous hippie friends, gather any spare change you have sitting around the house and use the PayPal button below to hurl it with great force. AT ME! God will bless America for it.

*: Do you know what the panel that Michelle Malkin hosted at CPAC 2007 was about? "Accuracy in media". Michelle Malkin hosted a panel on accuracy in media. No, really.

Send me to CPAC!




smokin'

I get in shape, and do my physical fitness/your head's numb so your brains'll miss this

Watched a Channel 4 documentary last night called Jump Britain, which was all about parkour. As a documentary, it was pretty much a wash -- lots of padding, hokey voiceovers, and not much there there; it's pretty difficult to make the talking-heads bits interesting with a sport that's been around for less than 10 years.

But once they got to the meat of the show -- parkour co-founder Sebastien Foucan and some UK camp followers hurtling around various British landmarks -- it was pretty fucking compelling, I must say. Parkour is thrilling to watch; it's basically like looking at Spider-Man navigate the city for 45 minutes. If I were a different person, it was the kind of documentary that would spur me to take up the sport; unfortunately, being who I am, I realized instantly that there was pretty much not a single thing done by any of the people in the entire movie that I could accomplish without breaking both ankles and having at least nine heart attacks. Perhaps if, in addition to free running, there was an urban sport that involved free punching or free wrecking, I could get into that. Or even free lifting random heavy objects and hurling them a short distance. But there isn't, or at least not one that won't get you jail time.

Anyway, you can watch the whole doc here, albeit in grainy Google video, if you're interested; it's worth it. (Sebastien Foucan, by the way, is the guy who appeared in Casino Royale, doing parkour; he's one of those people that it's exhausting to watch him just standing around.



On a totally unrelated note, my apartment is swarming with tiny mosquitoes, and since I like to work in the dark, my computer screen is now thick with skeeter corpses. It looks like the windshield of a car after a 2000-mile road trip.