July 11th, 2007

i brung you purty flowers

HAPPY ATHLETE!

Hey!

Who's that cat with the arms and legs made of 40-gallon drums? Who's the dude with the transparent disco ball Mickey Mouse head? Who's that Chinese toy I've been wearing around my neck at work for the last few days, much to the dismay of my co-workers?



It's HAPPY ATHLETE!

Happy Athlete was brought to me from San Francisco's Chinatown by a woman I work with. When you press a button on Happy Athlete's back, his transparent disco ball Mickey Mouse head lights up in all the colors of the rainbow, and casts the glorious lights of heaven above on your immediate surroundings. Although he doesn't move, casting some doubt on the 'athlete' portion of his name, and he has no facial features, making the 'happy' part difficult to confirm, and while he bears absolutely no resemblance to the kung fu chipmunk on the package, he does, as the label indicates, feature "wizardly flashing and music". Additionally, at the bottom of the package, there appears a long string of aggressive Chinese characters, followed by the defensive-sounding disclaimer "THIS PRODUCT HAS ALREADY APPLIED FOR THE PATENT!" Yeah, get off this product's dick, already, it's applied for the goddamn patent! Jesus.

Have you fallen to your knees yet and begun an eerie cult whose purpose is to venerate and, eventually, deify Happy Athlete? No? That's because you haven't heard his theme song yet.
stella stella can't you hear me yella

Whorin'

BLATHER ALERT! Want to hear me go on and on about the 'meaning', whatever it is, of political blogs? Now you can, and without even the price of a phone call!

Tune in today to Chicago's WLUW at 10:30AM C.S.T and hear me guest it up with Kevin Fullam on "Under Surveillance", his excellent show about politics and culture. Those of you in the Big Town can tune in at 88.7FM; those not in Chic (including me, snif) can listen on the web site linked in the previous sentence. It'll also be archived later on at the show's website. Dig it!