September 4th, 2007

banana

I labored too much on Labor Day

The Monday Poll waits for nothing. Well, I guess it waits for Tuesday.

Poll #1049852 Get back to work, you

I am approaching 40, and a number of my life goals are unfulfilled. Perhaps if I focus on just one, I can achieve it. Which one should it be?

Becoming a billionaire
2(3.2%)
Writing the great American novel
9(14.3%)
Marrying Uma Thurman
5(7.9%)
Bringing about global peace and harmony
1(1.6%)
Exacting a terrible revenge on all who have wronged me
6(9.5%)
Getting a good night's sleep
6(9.5%)
Building a time machine in order to win bar bets
3(4.8%)
Taking a dump in all fifty states
14(22.2%)
Writing a cult TV show that is cancelled after two seasons
14(22.2%)
Coming up with a better set of life goals
3(4.8%)

What are your child substitutes?

my pet(s)
11(18.3%)
expensive electronics
5(8.3%)
an imaginary friend
3(5.0%)
my actual child/children
8(13.3%)
someone else's actual child/children
1(1.7%)
a midget or dwarf
0(0.0%)
Star Trek
1(1.7%)
V.I.C.K.I.
0(0.0%)
the American people
5(8.3%)
other (see Comments)
2(3.3%)

What do I have to do (oh, tell me now) to prove my love to you?

do anything
4(6.3%)
do it all
0(0.0%)
climb a mountain
4(6.3%)
cross the ocean
3(4.8%)
do it all for you
6(9.5%)
stop quoting Violent Femmes lyrics
20(31.7%)
a little foreplay would be nice
18(28.6%)
you're gay, Leonard
8(12.7%)

Which of the following presidential candidates could you defeat in a fistfight?

"Joltin'" Joe Biden
0(0.0%)
"The Tower of Power" Hilary Clinton
3(4.9%)
John "The Hammerin' Haircut" Edwards
0(0.0%)
Dennis "Equitability is My Watchword" Kucinich
2(3.3%)
Barack "Barack-'em Sock-'em" Obama
0(0.0%)
Mike "Gravel Pit" Gravel
0(0.0%)
Bill "Opponent" Richardson
0(0.0%)
"Slammin'" Sam Brownback
0(0.0%)
"Greasy" Mitt Romney
1(1.6%)
Rudy "Giuliani Time" Giuliani
1(1.6%)
Mike "Heart" Huckabee
0(0.0%)
Fred "Dalton" Thompson
0(0.0%)
John "Straight Talk Express" McCain
0(0.0%)
Ron "Two First Names" Paul
0(0.0%)
all of these precancerous old geezers could take me
15(24.6%)

The past is like a foreign country, because...