September 24th, 2007

more bad news

No, seriously, what IS it good for?

So, we're going to war with Iran now. I wish I could say that I wasn't incredibly depressed by this news, but...I mean, I've hated a lot of presidents before, but I've never really seen one that I thought was going to be the ruination of the country before. Not that I think we're all going to die, or that we'll become an enslaved unit of the global Islamofascist conspiracy, or anything -- just that I think the amount of shit heaped on America by Bush and his cronies and supporters is going to do so much long-term damage (diplomatically, economically, militarily, culturally, and politically) that it's going to be the end of America as a global power. We're going to become France or Germany, not that this is necessarily a bad thing. But at least those are both liberal countries, and we don't seem to be able to shake the habit of electing dogshit conservatives. So maybe we'll be more like Italy, only instead of the Mafia we'll have Halliburton.

I'd mention how far back in history you have to go before finding another example of a leader ordering the invasion of three different countries who didn't attack him, but apparently, there is some sort of internet rule against doing so. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy Iran; I was going to say it should be like Cambodia to Iraq's Vietnam, but really, Iraq is already kind of Cambodia to Afghanistan's Vietnam, so maybe Iran will be like some kind of crazy super-Cambodia, and Bush is our Nixon, and I'm, I dunno, Travis Bickle of the Future or something.
banana

Let polls be made...

...though the heavens fall!

Poll #1060381 Are you a bad enough dude to fill out an internet poll?

What's your favorite George W. Bush war theme?

"Iran (So Far Away)", Flock of Seagulls
9(19.6%)
"Iraq the Casbah", the Clash
6(13.0%)
"Black North Korea", Ice Cube
1(2.2%)
"Desperate But Not Syria's", Adam Ant
6(13.0%)
"Afghani Stan", Eminem
2(4.3%)
"A Groovy Q'aeda Love", the Mindbenders
5(10.9%)
"France in My Pants", Sparks
3(6.5%)
"River of Jordan", the Carter Family
2(4.3%)
"Lebanon a Prayer", Bon Jovi
9(19.6%)
"Brokedown Palestine", the Grateful Dead
3(6.5%)

What is your preferred manifestation of time?

the intellectual structure by which humans sequence events, quantify their duration, and compare the motion of objects
15(32.6%)
the physical dimension in which events occur in sequence
5(10.9%)
the weekly news magazine
0(0.0%)
the dance-pop band fronted by Morris Day
9(19.6%)
the 1973 Pink Floyd song off "Dark Side of the Moon"
5(10.9%)
the French bicycle manufacturer
1(2.2%)
the Triumphant Institute of Management Education
0(0.0%)
the Internet protocol defined in RFC 868
1(2.2%)
the notational convention in music used to specify number of beats per measure
5(10.9%)
the aromatic perennial herbaceous plant
5(10.9%)

What rhetorical figures have you used in the last 24 hours?

litotes
0(0.0%)
asteismus
0(0.0%)
non sequitur
7(14.9%)
tautology
0(0.0%)
antiphrasis
0(0.0%)
neologism
2(4.3%)
synecdoche
0(0.0%)
meiosis
0(0.0%)
apophasis
0(0.0%)
merism
0(0.0%)
aposiopesis
0(0.0%)
enthymeme
0(0.0%)
anacoenosis
0(0.0%)
hypophora
0(0.0%)
what in God's name are you talking about?
10(21.3%)

I wish I was in the land of cotton.

Old times there are not forgotten.
9(19.6%)
Bourbon there will make you sotten.
13(28.3%)
Welfare checks the state's alottin'.
0(0.0%)
Their racism's really rotten.
13(28.3%)
You seem more unhinged than usual today, Leonard.
11(23.9%)

What's your favorite TV Guide misprint issue?

hello?

To expand on this morning's post...

Some recent comments by the President regarding Iran:

The other strain of radicalism in the Middle East is Shia extremism, supported and embodied by the regime that sits in Tehran. Iran has long been a source of trouble in the region...Iran funds terrorist groups like Hamas and the Palestinian Islamic Jihad, which murder the innocent, and target Israel, and destabilize the Palestinian territories. Iran is sending arms to the Taliban in Afghanistan, which could be used to attack American and NATO troops....and Iran's active pursuit of technology that could lead to nuclear weapons threatens to put a region already known for instability and violence under the shadow of a nuclear holocaust.

Iran's actions threaten the security of nations everywhere. And that is why the United States is rallying friends and allies around the world to isolate the regime, to impose economic sanctions. We will confront this danger before it is too late. We seek an Iran whose government is accountable to its people -- instead of to leaders who promote terror and pursue the technology that could be used to develop nuclear weapons.


And some recent headlines about the Farsi Peril:

US commander: Iran supplying Taliban
Iran-bashing in the US reaches fever pitch
IAEA: Iran cooperating in nuclear investigations
In the debate over Iran, more calls for a tougher US stance
US envoy says Iran is arming Taliban
Liberman advocates attack on Iran
Iranian defiance of UN detailed
US Navy shows force in Persian Gulf
Iran sets condition to halt nuke program
Defiant Iran warns West against attack
UN diplomat rejects claims that Iran is arming Taliban
Cheney mulled luring Iran into war with Israel: report
US military chief foresees no war with Iran
Oil prices over $80 a barrel unsustainable
Iran has become an extra-regional power
Iran, Israel ratchet up tensions


So, to recap: The president claims that a country is a major source of instability in its region, that it sponsors terrorism elsewhere, that it is a threat to Israel, and that it exports arms throughout the world. He goes on to claim that it gives material comfort to radical groups, and is actively developing the technology for weapons of mass destruction. Such a country, he says, is a threat not just to its own region but to the whole world, and if we do not act now, the smoking gun, as it were, could come in the form of a mushroom cloud. We must isolate the regime, pile on the sanctions, and seek an active change in leadership before it is too late. Meanwhile, diplomats, scientists and UN inspectors find the nuke claims dubious, but the President uses their defiance of UN inspection regulations as evidence of their evil. Troops mass and battle plans are drawn, while the military leadership deny that there is going to be a war. Hawks in Congress and neo-conservative pundits in the media beat the war drums, calling for immediate attacks and talking of human rights abuses and "rogue nations". The country maintains a pugnacious stance while denying all charges of wrongdoing. And the price of oil goes up, up, up.

Sound familiar?

As perich noted, you can pretty much take any headline from the last three years containing the word "Iran", substitute the word "Iraq", and it reads exactly like it was written in late 2002 or early 2003.

Chaaaaaarge!
on a steel horse I ride

Three Little Words

As some of you may know, I'm heading up to the Big D this weekend for the Texas State Fair. Details are still sketchy, but there is one thing I feel I must see. Saturday, at 3PM, in the West Pavilion, there is a zebu costume contest.

Are you hearing me, dun? A ZEBU COSTUME CONTEST. I'm pretty sure this is (a) why the terrorists hate us and (b) awesome.

CATTLE RULES EVERYTHING AROUND ME