October 1st, 2007

i'm driving!

Fair Thee Well

I am just returned from Rome Dallas, where I attended opening weekend of the Texas State Fair. As attentive listeners already are aware, I have had a week described by myself as "comically awful", and was in much need of some relaxation and recreation, both of which were provided by my lovely and talented host, the superlative solipsiae. LET US RECAP.

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Photos, perhaps, to follow, though my photography skills were at an all-time low this weekend. I especially want to post a picture of the Chinese restaurant called, I believe, Egg Roll Hut (help me out here, solipsiae?), which featured a big retro-style sign, at the top of which was...an ice cream cone. Ah, America. God bless us every one.
banana

Another Monday, another Monday poll

What better way to slide back into routine than with another asinine poll?

Poll #1064151 Fairness in Polling

What did the letters in President Ford's "WIN" initiative stand for?

Whip Inflation Now
13(22.8%)
Wizard In Nutria
1(1.8%)
We Inspire Nonsense
2(3.5%)
Weather Information Network
0(0.0%)
Western Initiative for Neocolonialism
0(0.0%)
West Is North
2(3.5%)
Why Include Nixon?
1(1.8%)
West Indian Nation
0(0.0%)
Win-(w)in-(wi)n
4(7.0%)
Well I Never
11(19.3%)
Worsening Illness News
1(1.8%)
Whack Indira's Nose
0(0.0%)
Ford Can't Spell
2(3.5%)
It didn't stand for anything, it was just a general exhortation to acheive
4(7.0%)
Isn't it about, oh, 33 years too late for WIN jokes?
16(28.1%)

Which of the following fair foods would you eat if given the opportunity?

fried banana pudding
0(0.0%)
deep-fried Frito chili pie
0(0.0%)
fried latte
0(0.0%)
fried Coca-Cola
0(0.0%)
alligator sausage
0(0.0%)
pork chop on a stick
0(0.0%)
peach cobbler on a stick
0(0.0%)
tater twist with melted blue cheese
2(3.5%)
cajun fried okra
1(1.8%)
big ol' turkey leg
0(0.0%)
donkey tail
0(0.0%)
deep fried guacamole bites
0(0.0%)
fried pickle
1(1.8%)
tamale balls
0(0.0%)
I think I'd rather just shoot myself, thanks
3(5.3%)

Which "Metalocalypse" character are you?

I am like Nathan Explosion, because I am an incoherent alcoholic
7(14.6%)
I am like Skwisgaar Skwigelf, because no one knows what I am talking about and all I can think of is guitars
10(20.8%)
I am like Toki Wartooth, because I am childlike and have a bad mustache and people mock me
12(25.0%)
I am like William Murderface, because I am a sociopath with a speech impediment
3(6.2%)
I am like Pickles, because I used to front a glam-rock bank from Wisconsin
16(33.3%)

I sang out loud the entire drive from Dallas to San Antonio. Is this crazy?

It's crazy.
5(9.1%)
It's not crazy.
38(69.1%)
It's not crazy, but it's stupid.
5(9.1%)
It's not crazy, but it's stupid AND lame.
3(5.5%)
I will never, ever stop making fun of you for this.
4(7.3%)

If you were trying to convince alien warlords to eradicate all life on Earth, what would be your Exhibit A?

life of the mind

Proposed test items

1. Ben rides his __________.

(a) bike
(b) house
(c) lightning
(d) sister

2. Joan ________ the box off the floor.

(a) lifts
(b) drops
(c) wills
(d) shames

3. The girl _______ an interesting animal.

(a) finds
(b) answers
(c) eats
(d) is

4. The team puts together a warm _______ to sleep in.

(a) shelter
(b) market
(c) milk
(d) shit

5. He has two _______.

(a) feet
(b) mortgages
(c) testicles
(d) mommies

6. Anna tells many _______ about her family.

(a) stories
(b) people
(c) Cozy Powell’s Hammer anecdotes
(d) whoppers

7. My grandmother _______ to the United States in 1957.

(a) came
(b) emigrated
(c) was deported
(d) flipped the bird

8. I _________ lunch at the school every day.

(a) eat
(b) have
(c) shun
(d) hate

9. Last year, my family _______ Christmas in New York.

(a) spent
(b) missed
(c) argued during
(d) ruined

10. At the end of the day, Vladimir feels ________.

(a) sad
(b) angry
(c) his oats
(d) Hitler