October 16th, 2007

i'm driving!

Tell him I'm driving, it's all right

Given that I'm doing so much more of it lately, I've been thinking about writing an occasional series on driving, and things that drivers do that upset me, because my life had no meaning until I discovered road rage. Among other topics, we will cover the following:

- Stay In Your Goddamn Lane
- Get Off The Fucking Phone
- Your Car Is Not Your House
- Drive Faster
- Rain Does Not Make Your Car Melt
- Pay Attention
- Sports Car Asshole
- You Are Bald
- Those Other Moving Things Are Cars
- I Hate You

However, I would like to lead off with this fairly obvious bit of wisdom: driving is not hard. There is no reason that so many people should be bad at it, because it's really easy. How do I know this? Because I am a good driver, and I suck at everything. So if I can do it, so can you.


GOOD: I got two big checks in the mail yesterday.
BAD: I'm on no sleep again.
UGLY: I'm thinking of re-growing the 'rab-fro.

GOOD: They were really big checks.
BAD: I encountered bum shit on the sidewalk again this morning on my way to work.
UGLY: I'm pretty sure the La-Z-Boy recliner in my living room is my girlfriend.

GOOD: I like marijuana.
BAD: Marijuana is illegal.
UGLY: Threadless is having a one-day hoodie sale, but it's always hot here, and I really don't get enough use out of the hoodies I already have.

It's such a fucking brutal enigma, being me.