February 14th, 2008

i'm druuuuunk

MADD about booze

A while back, the San Antonio chapter of MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Drivers) moved their headquarters into the building where my day job is located.

Yesterday afternoon, they had a little party in the lobby to get people acquainted with them and their organization. It was called the "MADD Happy Hour", and it featured free 'mocktails' (alcohol-free drinks made to look like cocktails).

Poll #1138409 Vegan Pepperoni

Was this creepy?

No, it was a clever and amusing marketing strategy to get people interested in MADD
5(8.9%)
yeah, it was kinda creepy
51(91.1%)
i give up

All Apologies

Recently, the Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd issued a formal apology on behalf of his government for the past systematic mistreatment of the native population.

Getting into the spirit of things, except with his head completely up his ass, right-wing pundit Glenn "Professor Poopypants" Reynolds has suggested that Barack Obama should apologize* for an anti-Semitic flier circulated by a black** minister in Tennessee with no known connection to Obama whatsoever.

To continue this glorious tradition, as an Arab-American, I would like to apologize for the following:

- The sudden proliferation of felafel.

- Casey Kasem.

- That funny smell in the back of cabs.

- Islam.

- The way that Arabs keep confusing Christians by pointing out that not all Arabs are Muslims.

- Whining about Guantanamo Bay.

- Oh, fine, 9/11. Happy now, you crybabies?

I urge you all to join myself and Sadly, No! in apologizing for things that have been done by people who have some vague religious, ethnic, national, racial or cultural connection with you. For example, I am eager for one of you to take the lead on the Rob Liefeld issue.


*: The Jewish target of the flier, incidentally, has endorsed Obama for president.

**: "What one Christian does is his own responsibility, what one Jew does is thrown back at all Jews." (Anne Frank)
i'm driving!

Sometimes

Sometimes people will say to me: "Leonard, you have not cleaned your car in one and one-half years."

There are three ways I can respond to this:

1. "That is only slightly more than a half-truth."

2. "That may be technically true, but it ignores certain minor ambiguities by which I hope to weasel out of admitting it."

3. "Physician, heal thyself."

I only use that last one when the person who said it is a doctor, and is very sick.