May 12th, 2008

enough already

Superman had come to town to see who he could rock

Lyrical themes of golden age old-school hip-hop of which prematurely geezerish rap writer Paul Kix is apparently unaware:

- Going to a friend's house, where you are served unpalatable food
- Having shoes that hurt your corns
- Farting, boogers, doll collections
- Wacky new dance crazes
- Picking up on girls who wear French perfume and florescent socks
- Party and bullshit and party and bullshit and party and bullshit
- Comically nasal "white guy" voices
- Being a father to your children
- Misunderstanding the ordering process at Burger King
- Singing a duet with a ventriloquist's dummy of a rival rapper

See, Paul, for every "put my pistol up against his head/I said, 'sucka-ass nigga, I should shoot you dead'", there were a million songs like that, and one of the ways that the authors of even these lame, banal lyrics managed to be cooler than you was by not spending a lot of time thinking about whether or not they were impressing some self-satisfied white kid from Iowa. Now, go back to your same old 20-year-old Public Enemy mixtape, and try not to think too hard about how you're exactly like those old hippies you used to hate back in the day who said that there hadn't been any good music made since the Beatles broke up.
banana

Presenting: What will be the least successful Monday Poll ever!

So, as some of you may know, as Bibles go, I am no fan of modern translations. I think that the more you stray from the KJV, the more you dumb it down, and worse, the more you suck the poetry out of it, which is the only thing that makes big chunks of the fucking thing worth reading. But at other times, I wonder: is this a fair assessment, or am I just favoring the version I grew up reading?

To get a clearer picture of what you, the hellbound hoi polloi think, I have provided, below the cut, translations from 15 different versions of the Bible of one of my very favorite passages. Please read them and then vote in the following poll.

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Poll #1186680 Leviathan

Based on the excerpts, which Bible translation is the WORST of those listed?

King James
2(5.4%)
New International
1(2.7%)
New American Standard
0(0.0%)
Message Bible
3(8.1%)
Amplified Bible
3(8.1%)
New Living Bible
4(10.8%)
English Standard
0(0.0%)
Contemporary English
8(21.6%)
New Century
0(0.0%)
American Standard
0(0.0%)
Young's Literal
5(13.5%)
Darby
0(0.0%)
New Life
3(8.1%)
Holman Christian Standard
1(2.7%)
New International Readers
7(18.9%)

Based on the excerpts, which Bible translation is the BEST of those listed?

King James
22(59.5%)
New International
7(18.9%)
New American Standard
0(0.0%)
Message Bible
0(0.0%)
Amplified Bible
2(5.4%)
New Living Bible
1(2.7%)
English Standard
0(0.0%)
Contemporary English
1(2.7%)
New Century
0(0.0%)
American Standard
0(0.0%)
Young's Literal
1(2.7%)
Darby
2(5.4%)
New Life
0(0.0%)
Holman Christian Standard
1(2.7%)
New International Readers
0(0.0%)

Other comments?

You didn't really think I was gonna read all those, did you?
7(14.9%)
I mean seriously. You must be out of your goddamn mind.
4(8.5%)
Bunch fuckin' church shit.
4(8.5%)
I ought to bust a cap in your sorry ass.
1(2.1%)
Not to mention, where is Ezekiel 23:30?
6(12.8%)