June 5th, 2008

bending the strings


fairies, 270-291
claim of veracity of boot-wearing story, 279
dancing with a dwarf, 273
demand that story of boot-wearing be believed, 275-276
proclivity of, for boot-wearing, 272-188

figures in black, 111-120
ability of to tell people their desires, 113
methods used by to indicate identity of Chosen One, 112

God, 1-698
Call from on Day of Judgment, 218
hand of, striking the hour, 217
possibility of just being a thought in your head, 342

love, 1-698
counterclaim that mine for you has just go to be real, 144
speculation about legitimacy of mine for you by unknown parties, 143

masses, 200-228
generals gathered in, 212
witches gathered in, 213

people, 1-698
being turned into clay by radiation, 276
giving happy sigh, 129
killed who were once saved, 246
reasons for running, 117
straight, inability to know about sweet leaf, 332
suggestions for what to do after going, 118
tendency to feel fine in presence of wizards, 129

robots, 233-260
bodies, 237
minds with robot bodies, 238

Satan, 1-698
coming 'round the bend, 115
Earth left to slaves of, 387
exhortation to take hand of, 147
facial expressions used while sitting, 114
laughing, spreading wings, 219

sleeping walls of remorse, 133
ability to turn your body to a corpse, 133

time, 204-387
nearness of Iron Man fear-spreading, 239
traveling for the future of mankind, 242

wizards, 2-247
ability to make demons worry of, 127
ability to make evil power disappear of, 127
casting shadows, 123
failure to give warning of pedestrian status, 122
inability to speak of, 125
of death's construction, 211
preference for tinkling bells, 124
spreading magic, 127
turning tears into joy, 128
walking, 122-125
wearing 'funny' clothes, 124
weaving spells, 123

words, 130-135
telling you now of my state, 228
that grow read to your sorrow, 131
that grow read no tomorrow, 132

An' ting

Can we just admit once and for all that, just as a vote against Hillary Clinton was a vote against women everywhere, a vote against Barack Obama is a vote against blacks, whites, males, Africans, Americans, Kansans, Illinoisans, bowlers, fake Muslims, and people who buy coke when they can afford it? Honestly, people.

Being a pessimist about such things, I'm trying to think of an upside to John McCain's inevitable victory in the presidential election. So I keep flashing back to this idea that me and my pal Conklin (co-inventor of the Pierce-Conklin Humor Weighting System) had when we lived in AZ: John McCain actually went crazy during his stay at the Hanoi Hilton and, in his mind, he's still there. Everything that's happened since, to him, is just the gooks putting on a show to convince him to betray America. So when he takes that oath of office, he'll think that the Supreme Court justice "swearing him in" is just some commie stooge that Charlie paid off, and he'll finally just flip out and snap: he'll pull a fork out of his suit pocket that he's had there for 30 years and plunge it into Scalia's eye, and scream at his running-mate, "NICE TRY, CHING CHONG! NOW COME GET SOME". It'll be a beautiful moment.