June 24th, 2008

zzzzzzz

The Sleep of the Busted

I was trying to sleep last night, and here is the scenario that my brain presented me with: you are a late-model Russian tank. You have somehow attained self-awareness, but you have yet to be apprised of the fall of the Soviet Union. How are you going to make your way in the world, the economy being what it is? This sort of half-conscious third-grade speculation is part of why I haven't slept for eight hours at a time since 1992.

Also, I have been reading all these books on how to get a good night's sleep absent the possibility of actually getting medical care, and while they contain various bits of advice, the one common thread is: don't do anything in your bedroom other than sleeping and sex. No work, no TV, no music, no reading, no nothing: the bed, they all say, is just for sleeping and sex. So THANKS A LOT FOR REMINDING ME OF THE TWO THINGS I CAN'T DO IN BED, books.

This has been an unusually fecund period for me, creatively, but the problem is that between work, freelancing, and various other whatnots that occupy my moments, I haven't had as much time as I'd like to work on my personal writing. In an attempt to address this imbalance, I've lately taken to writing at three o'clock in the morning when I can't sleep and there's nothing else to do, but unsurprisingly, the character of the work has been adversely effected. Most of the narrative has taken to revolving around shattered, embittered alcoholic losers with insomnia who are teetering on the verge of a painful death. Well, write about what you know, they say!
banana

Monday Death Poll: Tuesday Edition

Time for round 2! Here's round 1 if you don't get the gist. Otherwise, go vote!

Poll #1210169 Dead People Deathmatch Round 2!

Beatles spirit guide the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, or Mr. Roboto designer Stan Winston?

Yogi
20(36.4%)
Winston
31(56.4%)
pass
4(7.3%)

"Night and the City"'s Richard Widmark, or manslaughter's Christian Brando?

Widmark
30(54.5%)
Brando
10(18.2%)
pass
15(27.3%)

"Plan 9 from Outer Space"'s Vampira, or "Plan 1 for Nicaragua"'s William F. Buckley?

Vampira
41(74.5%)
Buckley
10(18.2%)
pass
4(7.3%)

Early dirty dancer Cyd Charisse, or seven-dirty-wordser George Carlin?

Charisse
10(18.2%)
Carlin
45(81.8%)
pass
0(0.0%)

Futurist Arthur C. Clarke, or cheesecake artist Dave Stevens?

Clarke
40(72.7%)
Stevens
8(14.5%)
pass
7(12.7%)

Fab Four recordist Hurricane Smith, or scenery-chewist Roy Scheider?

Smith
11(20.0%)
Scheider
37(67.3%)
pass
7(12.7%)

"Night and the City" director Jules Dassin, or "Who Do You Love" performer Bo Diddley?

Dassin
12(21.8%)
Diddley
41(74.5%)
pass
2(3.6%)

"Last Year at Marienbad"'s Alain Robbe-Grillet, or "Bully"'s Brad Renfro?

Robbe-Grillet
14(25.5%)
Renfro
24(43.6%)
pass
17(30.9%)

"Dread at the Controls" Mikey Dread, or "Little Annie Fannie" Will Elder?

Dread
10(18.2%)
Elder
19(34.5%)
passs
26(47.3%)

Killing fields survivor Dith Pran, or "Out of Africa" director Sydney Pollack?

Pran
18(33.3%)
Pollack
26(48.1%)
pass
10(18.5%)

Steve "Giant-Size Man-Thing" Gerber, or Anthony "Truly, Madly, Deeply" Minghella?

Gerber
28(50.9%)
Minghella
14(25.5%)
pass
13(23.6%)

20-sided dice huckster E. Gary Gygax, or "Mod Squad" composer Earle Hagen?

Gygax
37(67.3%)
Hagen
10(18.2%)
pass
8(14.5%)

Sightless musician Jeff Healey, or edgeless comedian Dick Martin?

Healey
26(47.3%)
Martin
17(30.9%)
pass
12(21.8%)

Climbing trip advocate Sir Edmund Hillary, or acid trip facilitator Albert Hoffman?

Hillary
23(42.6%)
Hoffman
26(48.1%)
pass
5(9.3%)

"Tokyo Olympiad"'s Kon Ichikawa, or "A Knight's Tale"'s Heath Ledger?

Ichikawa
12(22.6%)
Ledger
35(66.0%)
pass
6(11.3%)

Hippie artiste Alton Kelley, or Harvey "That's HEDLEY!" Korman?

Kelley
6(10.9%)
Korman
39(70.9%)
pass
10(18.2%)
i crush you like grape

...And You Will Know Us By Our Leap Off The Top Rope

So I've decided at last to go into the world of professional wrestling. I've decided on a heel turn, a persona ("The Hipster", a music geek gone bad), and a uniform (same as all the other wrestlers, but I would wear it ironically).

Now all I have to do is figure out my finishing move. Here's what I got so far:

- Ladies and Gentlemen We Are Punching Your Face

- Taking Tiger Mountain (By Suplexes)

- 3 Feet High and Legdropping

- Double Knuckles on the Spine

- Stretch: The Submission Agenda

- The Velvet Underground & Knee Blow

- Enter the Wu-Hang: 36 Chokeholds

- Fold Your Hands Child You Chop Like a Pissant

- It Takes a Nation of Millions to Torture Rack

- Kind of Bruised

What do you think?