August 4th, 2008

stella stella can't you hear me yella

Whorin'

Hey, fans of urbinal fictionism! Would you like to read a new installment of RJ White's "The City Desk", written by me, and concerning the retirement of a famed news-daily prognosticator? If you would, hie thee. And enjoy!
banana

Monday Poll Will Have Its Revenge on the Internet

Hi! I'm bacck! Where I have I been, you fail to ask? Finishing the biggest freelance project I've ever had, for one thing. Not sleeping, for another. Dying of various diseases. The usual. I may never write anything interesting here again, but at least there will always be Monday polls.

Poll #1235006 Monday Poll Pointlessness

Sarah Silverman.

Pro
32(45.7%)
Con
17(24.3%)
Anti
8(11.4%)
"SFW"
10(14.3%)
She seems talented and attractive enough, but I have no truck with the Hebrew people
3(4.3%)

The following Slurpee flavors are acceptable:

Frozen Coke
2(2.9%)
Cherry
2(2.9%)
Blue
1(1.5%)
SnoBawls
0(0.0%)
Crystal Light Orange Pineapple Ice
0(0.0%)
Dr. Pepper
0(0.0%)
Banana
0(0.0%)
Full Throttle Frozen Fury
0(0.0%)
Green Berry Rush
0(0.0%)
Bubble Gum
0(0.0%)
Mello Yello
1(1.5%)
Blue Cherry
0(0.0%)
Monster Energy Black Ice
0(0.0%)
Shrekalicious
0(0.0%)
Slurp a what now?
8(11.8%)

Rat

shit
5(7.2%)
fucker
17(24.6%)
trap
2(2.9%)
like in a cage
2(2.9%)
you dirty
12(17.4%)
me out
0(0.0%)
i smell a
7(10.1%)
drowned
2(2.9%)
fink
20(29.0%)
Terence Tigan
2(2.9%)

My favorite vice is

sex
12(16.9%)
drugs
7(9.9%)
rock 'n' roll
4(5.6%)
liquor
7(9.9%)
pornography
4(5.6%)
gambling
1(1.4%)
smoking
1(1.4%)
gluttony
6(8.5%)
sloth
9(12.7%)
recreational bigotry
4(5.6%)
profligacy
2(2.8%)
vandalism
1(1.4%)
overuse of irony
10(14.1%)
the magazine of the same name
1(1.4%)
other (see Comments)
2(2.8%)

This poll seems more incoherent than usual, a fact for which I blame:

i'm druuuuunk

i'm HUNGARY...for BOOZE!

I don't know much about Hungary but I do know this: their experiment with liquor prohibition, in contrast to ours which lasted 13 years including all of the 1920s and a good third of the Great Depression, lasted exactly five months. At which point they said (in Hungarian, natch) "Fuck this, we want something to drink."

God bless you, Hungary.