August 29th, 2008

hello?

I M 4 BORING

1. For reasons not worth exploring, I was listening to a local right-wing talk radio guy this morning, and he was complaining about the 'identity politics' of (non-white) immigrants. How, in other words, they identify as something else first and Americans second -- African-Americans, Nuyoricans, etc. He claimed that 'real Americans' never do this. I immediately dispatched a boy with a message bearing this news to the Boston Irish and the Pennsylvania Dutch.

2. So, McCain has picked Sarah Pander Palin as his vice-presidential sacrifice candidate. Good for her! She's been governor of the second-smallest state of the union for less than two years, which should give her that vital foreign policy experience he's always saying is so important. We're pretty much on the verge of determining whether my theory is true that the Democrats could run JFK for office and the G.O.P. could run a shoe against him, and the Democrats would still lose.
hello?

Things White People Give Birth To

Okay, I'm sorry, everyone. Clearly Sarah Palin is awesome, and this almost historical choice by the wise, forward-thinking and not at all pandering McCain campaign will give us a great chance to learn more about this awe-inspiring candidate whose total lack of foreign policy domestic lawmaking political any kind of experience is counterbalanced by her 44-year track record of vagina possession. But now that I've made my act of contrition, let's concentrate on the more important issue.

As you know, Palin likely beat out Mitt Romney for the VP seat, and in doing so, thrust his five extremely white children out of the national spotlight, to be replaced by her own five possibly even whiter ones. So America faces a choice: did McCain do the right thing? Did he provide us with the whitest possible family imaginable? YOU DECIDE!

Poll #1250226 SUPER WHITE PEOPLE SHOWDOWN

Which set of children help build strong bodies in the most ways?

Track, Trig, Bristol, Willow and Piper Palin
17(54.8%)
Tagg, Matt, Josh, Ben and Craig Romney
14(45.2%)
zzzzzzz

Maybe I'll die and it'll be great

Well, the Summer of Leonard is over. I judge it a modest success. But now it fades into the misty water-colored memories of the way we were, and I will be seeing it out with a little thing I like to call "The Weekend of Sleeping".

While the rest of you chumps are barbecuing, tubing, and spending time with your families, friends, and loved ones, I will be spending what I hope will be the vast majority of the next 72 hours in bed, and possibly unconscious. I have not slept for more than an hour at a time since roughly last Wednesday, so here is a complete list of what I will be doing this weekend:

1. Sleeping.
2. Waking up, and then going back to sleep.
3. Reading comic books.
4. Changing discs in the DVD player next to my bed.
5. Going to the bathroom.

In addition, I may make an exception for the following eventualities:

1. Fire.
2. Running out of DVDs/comic books.
3. Rat attack.

Otherwise, I'm P. Sout until Tuesday morning. Don't y'all do anything stupid. GOOD NIGHT EVERYBODYS