September 15th, 2008

stella stella can't you hear me yella

WHORING NUMBER THE THREE

Look. Let us do not front, shall we? I know and you know both that some of you out there listen to heavy metal musics. There is no shame in this. So why not go read Metal Edge magazine? Phil Freeman's mighty hand has made it into a very respectable publication, and you can read my rattle-trappings about noisy heavy rock in every single issue. For instance, this month (which is a very well-designed month, I must say), I ask Slipknot why they are so old. Surely you would like to know the answer to that. So go to a news-stand today.
banana

Less whoring, more polling

Boy, you know...it's fall, but I'm feeling like it's spring, if you know what I mean. IF YOU ARE AWARE OF AT WHAT I AM HINTING.

Anyway:

Poll #1260060 Monday's Monday Poll, brought to you by: MONDAY!

Do you understand science?

Yes, absolutely
30(33.7%)
I understand it as well as the average junior high school student
29(32.6%)
I understand that there is such a thing as science
9(10.1%)
I only understand enough science to let me mock certain scenes in science-fiction movies
15(16.9%)
Fetch me my burnin' stick, paw, it's one of them witches from the city
6(6.7%)

What is the gayest continent?

North America
11(12.5%)
South America
14(15.9%)
Europe
35(39.8%)
Asia
7(8.0%)
Africa
1(1.1%)
Australia
8(9.1%)
Antarctica
12(13.6%)

What are you most looking forward to about the imminent total financial collapse of the United States?

no more student loans, whoooo!
9(10.2%)
seeing if the hobo lifestyle is all that my great-grand-dad says it was
6(6.8%)
I can quit pretending I know the difference between a pinot noir and a pinot grigio
4(4.5%)
soup kitchens, because I love soup
2(2.3%)
finding out which of my kids I really love the most as I sell them into white slavery one by one
0(0.0%)
claiming that getting thrown out of my shitty apartment is a "moral victory"
1(1.1%)
laughing bitterly at the monthly arrival of my 401k statement
4(4.5%)
watching CEOs of huge financial services firms get multimillion-dollar bonuses for thinking up great solutions to the problems they caused
7(8.0%)
boiling up a shoelace and telling my kids what the internet was
2(2.3%)
choosing from a rich pallette of suicide options
2(2.3%)
the hearty laughter of Islamist terrorists, echoing warmly from inside a cave
2(2.3%)
regaling my buddies in the uranium mine about my old job as a day trader
0(0.0%)
gloating, because I'm a Canadian or something
10(11.4%)
Hooverville: The Reality Show
4(4.5%)
thinking about how America just kept on electing Republicans
35(39.8%)

I have done the following things for more than 10 years:

lived in the same house
12(22.2%)
worked the same job
3(5.6%)
been married to/involved with the same person
7(13.0%)
attended the same school/church/mental hospital
1(1.9%)
had to fill out the same fucking poll
14(25.9%)

What is the highest number of meats you have eaten in a single meal? Describe the meal.