Yes, it's that time where everybody -- or, really, just me and calamityjon
-- look back at the previous year's Livejournal posts and take note of which ones, based on total comments, were the most popular with you, the inexplicable Skullbucket reader! I'm gonna pony up for a permanent account this week, so this could not be more
#3: “The People's Republic of Journalistan
”. Comical speculation occurs over the subject of likely results of the Russian takeover of Livejournal.
#2: “This is What I've Been Reduced To
”. Mid-Holiday hangover movie dialogue quiz.
#1: “Well, My Calendar Says It's 2007 A.D., But That's Clearly a Typo
”. Many confused and/or confusing reactions are registered to the news that Mitt Romney has been accused of heresy. JANUARY
#3: “Double, Double, Toil and Trouble
”. The real estate bubble bursts, and I vent my impotent rage about the ‘great moderation’ scam. People who know more about economics than I do show up to scold me.
#2: “This Will Be the Best Vacation Ever
”. I lay out my plans to visit the Conservative Political Action Committee. People express their desires for me to ratfuck various right-wing talking heads.
#1: “Leonard Pierce Presents Things That Leonard Pierce Thinks
”. I set forth my opinions on a wide variety of topics, and Calamity Jon gets yelled at for not liking the Muppet Show. FEBRUARY
#3: “Ask Not What You Can Do For Your Country, Or, The Audacity of Dope
”. I wax rhapsodic about political speeches of days gone by, and experience curious feelings of tenderness towards Bill Buckley.
#2: “Careful With That Ax, Hill
”. I criticize Hillary Clinton for borrowing from the G.O.P. playbook, and make what may be the only correct political prognostications I have ever made.
#1: “All Apologies
”. Inspired by ‘The Ole Perfesser’ Glenn Reynolds’ criticism of Barack Obama, I urge people to apologize for crimes committed by members of their ethnic group. MARCH
#3: “More Great Strides in Middle Eastern Democracy
”. I discuss Palestinian apartheid, cruelly mock the Free Tibet movement, and translate Godwin’s law into hardboiled.
#2: “La Réponse
”. A foreign-language edition of the Question Game goes as expected.
#1: “Now Watch Him Blame It All on the Actors
”. In the least surprising development of the year, I criticize Joss Whedon and people go apeshit. APRIL
#3: “If It’s Tuesday, This Must Be Another Completely Asinine LiveJournal Controversy
”. I disapprove of the word ‘boobs’ and wish for everyone involved in the Open Source Boob Project to be run over by a garbage truck.
#2: “Take That Kangol Off
”. People get all fluttery about a sex poll.
#1: “If You Know, You’ll Know. If You Don’t, You’ll Learn.
”. I engage in my favorite LiveJournal guilty pleasure, the ‘iconversation’. Most commented-upon post of the year! MAY
#3: “Presenting: What Will Be The Least Successful Monday Poll Ever!
”. I completely underestimate your tolerance for Scriptural translation issues.
#2: “MONDAY IS POLL
”. A poll involving lady rappers and video games brings out the geek in my readership.
#1: “Tom Waits…FOR NO MAN
”. A poll about Tom Waits results in recriminations and bad feelings. JUNE
#3: “Sing It!
”. I solicit feedback regarding peoples’ favorite little bits of spoken-word banter in pop songs.
#2: “Whyte Rappaz R.N. Dainja
”. Opinions run feverish as I contemplate the ups and downs when white folks try to rock the mic.
#1: “Monday Poll: Man, Iraq War, You Suck
”. My regular Monday poll is invaded by a right-wing troll; hilarity ensues. JULY
#3: “I’m Suspicious
”. I accuse my Friends List of conspiring to be adorable. They weasel out of it.
#2: “Dark Knight: It Had David Goyer All Over It
”. Much debate over the biggest bat-movie of all time, including some from Calamity Jon, who hadn’t seen it.
#1: “I Have To Do This Every Year Or So Just to Get It Out of My System
”. Nothin’ but a Coen Brothers quote thread, baby. AUGUST
#3: “Things White People Give Birth To
”. Remember Sarah Palin? Here, the names of her children are made the subject of fun.
”. My attempt to rank the films of Woody Allen touches of much argumentation.
#1: “I Woke Up This Morning With the Strangest Sensations
”. It is my birthday and I immediately start acting like a cranky old coot. SEPTEMBER
#3: “EDWNRP Fridays!
”. A proposed new feature called ‘Extremely Difficult with No Real Payoff Friday’ gets off to an inauspicious start.
”. My claim that the pop music of the 1940s sucks dog cock is inexplicably met with hostility.
#1: “I Really Want To Know!
”. A poll reveals the position of my readership as regards my confrontation with some MADD ladies. OCTOBER
#3: “Please Remove Me From Your Mailing List
”. My landlady sends me crazy crap over the internet.
#2: “Change…Like You Wouldn’t Believe
”. The Pierce/Thurman “Team Awesome” ticket holds a press conference. It doesn’t go well.
#1: “Owes Nap!
”. The dozens are played with hilarious results. NOVEMBER
#3: “People Who Fetishize Guns Should Be Shot Dead with My .38-caliber Smith & Wesson 686
”. I plan a trip to New York, and squeaky pedants pester me about firearms.
#2: “Wednesday Celebration Poll
”. Variant attitudes towards the Thanksgiving holiday are noted.
#1: “In Case You Were Wondering How the Wingnuts Were Reacting to Our New Era…
”. Project Leper begins as right-wing whining reaches a fever pitch.
LESSON LEARNED: When I do something fulfilling or exciting, like go to Paris or get a great new writing or speaking gig, you are all silent like crabs. But when I offer you a chance to violently disagree with me, or make fun of my fat mama, you jump like sharks. God bless us every one!