February 10th, 2010

stella stella can't you hear me yella

Whorin'

Do you want to know what's up in metal? Do you want to know what Satanic noise you should be using to annoy your friends, relatives and co-workers this month? Of course you do! I direct your attention to the February Metal Box, at the good ol' A.V. Club.
deep in the heart

TASTEFUL SAN ANTONIO: THE MEETENGREETENING

Yes, it’s time once again for Meetup.com to suggest things that it thinks I might like to do instead of sit at home masturbating to Community reruns on Hulu. When really all it’s suggesting is that it doesn’t know me very well. Observe!

Pain relief with laser therapy

I’ve always thought of lasers as being used to inflict pain, not alleviate it, but I guess you learn something new every day.

HEALTHY COFFEE CRUSADE

I’m sure they mean “healthful”, and I’m equally sure they’re in no mood for my pedantry. You can tell they’re serious coffee drinkers from the all-caps: HEY YOU GUYS WHO WANTS COFFEE, I COULD GO FOR A COFFEE COME ON

The Sentinels MC

My guess? An outlaw motorcycle gang that also kills mutants.

Renaissance Futurists

Now, this really intrigues me. Are they, like, SCA people who are also futurists, so they spend the week contemplating the future and the weekend dressing up like people from the past? Or are they literally Renaissance futurists – that is, people from the Renaissance who speculate about what the “future” will be like in, say, the 1820s? I gots to know.

FunDancers

That’s it: just “FunDancers”. They probably have rumbles with the “GlumDancers”.

Glamour Photography Club of Texas Monthly Hooters Meetup

Well of course they meet at Hooters. Of COURSE they do.

The San Antonio Sumo Wrestling Meetup Group

Projected ratio of “sumo wrestlers to “regular fat guys”: 1:5.

The San Antonio International Dining & Nightlife Club: “Let’s Enjoy Middle Eastern, Persian, Greek, and Turkish Food in One Place”

I know what they’re really saying is “let’s find one restaurant that serves all kinds of Mediterranean cuisines”, but what it sounds like is “let’s make sure we keep all the swarthy towelheads where we can keep an eye on them.”

San Antonio Brilliant Babies and Preschoolers Classroom: Pick and Plop

NO PICKING! NO PLOPPING! Get these damn kids off my couch!

Hermann Sons Square Dance Club: Slip the Clutch vs. Shoot the Star? Box the Gnat!

I…what?