June 17th, 2010

mmmmm delicious

Cupcakes: I still do not understand them

Honestly. Please. I won't make fun. Someone just let me in on the joke. At the risk of sounding too Seinfeldian, what is the deal with cupcakes?

I don't mean the actual cupcakes. I get that. Although I am not myself fond of them, I get them. They are cute little things you can decorate, and they are like an adorable little miniature cake you can eat all by yourself. What I mean is, they seem to have transcended that and become a "thing". There are events like the Third Annual Macy's Decorate-A-Cupcake-With-Replicas-Of-Your-Favorite-WWII-Battle Marathon To Fight Crohn's Disease. There are at least ten TV shows about cupcakes. Are there TV shows about salads? There are not TV shows about salads.

See, usually, I am pretty good at this. When cigars stopped being objects that guys named Mappy smoked at the dog track and became a "thing", it didn't take me long to figure it out. Cigars are big phallic symbols, and they cost a lot more than they're worth, and they annoy everyone around you, and they involve the subjugation of brown people. Easy. They're just another status symbol for rich white dudes or wannabe rich white dudes. Cigar Aficionado magazine is best thought of as I Enjoy Being a Privileged Shit Monthly. And that's fine.

It took me longer to figure out wine, because first, it makes me sick, and second, it can be difficult to parse the various complexities of liquor snobbery. The thing I couldn't wrap my head around wasn't the expense -- I had encountered the same issues with Scotch, where rich dipshits would pay two grand for a bottle of something that should never, ever cost more than $50-$75. What I couldn't figure out was all this highfalutin bafflegab from oenophiles and pseudo-sommeliers about how this or that wine contained a dandelion overtone, or a heady nose of caramel and peach tea, or a distinctive aftertaste of Mongolian gorse. Because, see, there is nothing in wine except grapes. Nobody ever eats a grape and says it has a flavor reminiscent of oily kestrel feathers. Once it was finally explained to me scientifically, though, I got it: wine snobbery is just a way to sound pretentious and justify spending a lot of money while still getting hobo-drunk. And that's fine too.

But I just don't get cupcakes. Someone explain them to me. Please.
what the professional fuck?

Also what is this?

Today's "Writer's Block" entry, on the LJ front page:

Rescue mission

If someone intentionally set fire to your home and you had ten minutes to get out, would you try to save the arsonist or your belongings?

Am I missing something in this question? If someone intentionally burned my house down, would I spend the precious seconds I had left to me saving all my material possessions that I had worked a lifetime for, or would I rescue the guy who set fire to the place? What the fuck kind of question is that? Who on earth would save the arsonist? HE'S THE ONE WHO SET FIRE TO THE HOUSE! I don't even understand what the question is attempting to illuminate. If someone stabbed you and stole all your money, and then gave himself a paper cut while taking all the money out of your wallet, would you go to the hospital or try to find a Band-Aid for the mugger?

I don't understand you sometimes, LiveJournal.