Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
ludickid

The scarin' o' the green

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY, ye drunken bastards!

To honor my conceivably half-Irish ancestry, I offer these suggestions of what you can do to make the holiday a memorable one.

1. Drive all the non-Christians from your neighborhood using a cudgel. If anyone asks about it later, say they were snakes, not people.

2. Arrange for your rich neighbor to steal all your food. Become very, very hungry and move to another continent to get a job as a policeman.

3. Write a dense, complex, brilliant novel that defines an entirely new approach to literature and which will be highly praised, but not widely read or influential. Follow it up with an impenetrable work that no one can understand or even read other than yourself.

4. Engage in a lengthy bombing campaign against your wealthy, food-stealing neighbor. Keep sending him letter and pipe bombs until he agrees to remove his freeloading cousin from the spare room in your attic. Arrange for a mediocre, widely overhyped rock band from your home town to write a song about how tragic this all is.

5. Come to my apartment and help me eat all the leftovers from the St. Patrick's Day party I had on Saturday.
Tags: diary, eats
Subscribe

  • INTRIGUING FINDINGS FROM RECENT POLLS

    1. A large number of people selected New York as the rock capital of the world. Many so doing are themselves from New York. 2. No one selected…

  • This post is rocking your socks off!

    It’s Rock ‘n’ Roll Filter Friday! Of course, I do not have a Rock ‘n’ Roll Filter, because I am perfectly at home with the idea of forcing my…

  • This post is punching your face out!

    It’s Violence Filter Friday! Of course, I do not have a Violence Filter, because I am a rickety old man whose closest brush with conflict is when he…

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 5 comments