Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator

Pe tit ion

My pal Conklin (inventor, with me, of the Pierce-Conklin Humor Weighting system and widely acknowledged to be the funniest man on Earth) sent me a list of Onionesque 'news' bits about the Colombia disaster. They were vile, of course, but they were screamingly hilarious, of course. At first I felt guilty about laughing so hard at them but after a while, my comedy-fascist nature kicked in and I just said "fuck it" and laughed without guilt.

The problem is, Conklin has no website, and thus I am condemned to reading his insanely funny writing on a far too infrequent basis. Websites are still free and plentiful, despite the dot-collapse, as the fact that a cheap bastard like me has like six of them indicates. And sure, he's lazy, but no more so than most of my other dope-sotten lumpenproletariat writer friends.

So how can I force him to get a website? There must be something. Something. He has no shame, so there's that. Maybe, since he's a government employee, I could threaten to rat him out if he doesn't entertain me on a more regular basis. Any ideas?
Tags: diary, junk

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