Once upon a time there was a happy ape.
He lived a good life in the jungle, building conning towers out of coconuts and eating explorers.
Then, one day, he was visited by a magic pixie from another planet who wanted to grant him one wish, because he was such an upstanding ape.
Unfortunately, the ape did not understand the language of the alien pixie, and the alien pixie did not speak ape.
All attempts at communication were fruitless and soon the ape became surly and ill-tempered.
They brought the matter to the attention of the Head Ape in Charge, but he was of no help, because he also did not speak the language of the extraterrestrial magic pixie, and at any rate he was distracted by his ham radio setup.
The happy ape was no longer happy. He was quite vexed, and despite the impassable language barrier, the magic pixie continued to follow him around, flailing its arms wildly in a vain attempt to make itself understood.
What should he do?, he wondered. Should he just eat the fucking pixie, or what? It was a puzzler, that’s for sure.
Just then, he had an idea that would set everything right. He thought of a way that he could communicate with the magic pixie from beyond the stars, so that he could finally rid himself of the bothersome little fucker once and for all without having to eat him and pick up Grodd knows what horrible disease.
However, just prior to putting his plan into action, the ape (and the magic alien pixie as well) were shot and killed by a pair of gay South African poachers. The ape never did get his wish, but the poachers went on to have their own prime time reality show on a cable network.