Next week, people who hate Republicans plan to release swarms of mice in New York City to terrorize delegates to the National Republican Convention.
YOU KNOW, LIKE WHERE THE NEGROES LIVE
Republican-haters plan on dressing up as RNC volunteers, and giving false directions to little blue hair ladies from Kansas, sending them into the sectors of New York City that are unfit for human habitation.
PIES...AND MAYBE DOODY POO POO!
They plan on throwing pies and Lord knows what else at Republican visitors to the city.
NOT BEATING AND GASSING = CODDLING
New York City is a place renowned for coddling no one — tourists, babies, old people. And yet, its new mayor, a Boston transplant, plans to coddle these junior terrorists.
TERRORISTS REMARKABLY EASY TO SPOT
Perhaps the Department of Homeland Security should hand out buttons at the convention that say “Peaceful Islamic Radical.” All the scary-looking guys with fertilizer on their shoes, wires coming out of their pockets, and duct-tape visible under their shirts can walk around with these buttons, enjoying nice-priced margaritas and reduced-admission live sex shows before they blow up Madison Square Garden.
YOUR AVERAGE TERRORIST IS MUCH WORSE THAN A PEE-THROWING HIPPIE
Mayor Bloomberg overlooks this basic truth: The kind of protestor who is going to report to headquarters to pick up a button, and who is dorky enough to wear such a button, is not vicious enough to release rodents or toss urine on well-groomed Republican men and women in golf shirts and khaki pants.
JUST LIKE ARABS
New Yorkers understand — and respect — one thing: strength.
HOMELESS PEOPLE & STREET VENDORS = TERRORISTS
That’s why Rudy Giuliani, a New York City native, did so well as mayor. He flexed his muscles early, arrested petty criminals, and turned a deaf ear to cries that he was violating the civil rights of squeegee men and other vagrants who terrorized residents and tourists.
THE INNOCENT HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR
Protestors are complaining already that the FBI is visiting them and sowing intimidation. Who cares? As long as they’re not planning to break the law, protestors should have no reason to fear inquiries from law enforcement officials.
BRING BACK THE SPIRIT OF '68
Bloomberg is calling for a sensitive war on protestor-terrorists, the way John Kerry is naively calling for a more sensitive war on international terrorists. Instead of manufacturing smiley-face buttons to pin on potentially unruly protestors, Bloomberg should be manufacturing plastic handcuffs.