Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
ludickid

AXIOMATIC PRINCIPLES OF WEATHER CHANNEL HURRICANE COVERAGE

You see, he feels like Ivan
Born under the Kingston sun
His game is called survivin'
At the end of The Harder They Come


1. People must be interviewed in the course of boarding up their houses.

2. These people must all be wearing neon-colored gimme caps.

3. Stock footage of a similar big hurricane in the mid-1970s must be shown.

4. An on-the-spot reporter, culled from the ranks of local news programs, must be seen wearing a bright blue or yellow jacket from the North Face.

5. It must be mentioned that even those not in the hurricane's path will be affected.

6. There must be at least one jarring visual image, such as a stop sign, truck roof, or roof-mounted satellite dish poking up through floodwaters.

7. People in foreign countries which have been hit by the storm should not be interviewed. Their dead must be referred to in grave tones, however.

8. The primary visual in all short clips not focused on swaying trees, sunken road signs or gimme-capped men with hammers should be automobiles: getting out of town, getting bogged down in water, being tossed about by 160-mile-per-hour winds. It is better that they be expensive cars.

9. Local weather must be given every ten minutes without fail.

10. A mention of the hurricane's wrath must be made.
Tags: teevee
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