1. RICH ASSHOLES RETURN TO DISPLAYING THEIR RICH ASSHOLITUDE: "Corporate jets return to favor"
WITH BUSH WINNING A SECOND TERM, PLUTOCRATS AREN'T BEING SHY ABOUT THEIR CONTEMPT ANYMORE!
The business jet, a pricey perk that became a flying symbol of corporate excess, is making a comeback.
AND I'M SURE THAT WILL ALL TRICKLE DOWN SOMEHOW
After two years of decline, the world's manufacturers delivered 392 new business jets through Sept. 30 this year, up 10% from the year-ago period, reports the General Aviation Manufacturers Association. Sales are up, and orders are backlogged. Industry tracker Forecast International predicts explosive growth. The number of delivered jets is expected to increase by 157% between 2004 and 2011.
AMERICA'S C.E.O.S CREDIT SHORT NATIONAL ATTENTION SPAN
Factors boosting sales: Evaporating corporate guilt. Trials involving principals at Adelphia and Tyco highlighted tales of alleged abuse of corporate jets. With those cases no longer in the headlines, and other board room scandals fading, corporations are feeling more comfortable transporting top executives on private jets.
NOTE THAT I DECLINE TO SAY HOW, EXACTLY
"At one point, they were looked at as perks or rich people's toys. Now, they are looked at as legitimate productivity tools," says Ray Jaworowski of Forecast International.
"BY FAR, THE VAST MAJORITY OF MY TAX CUTS GO TO THOSE AT THE BOTTOM"
Another factor is tax benefits. A tax law promoting corporate investment extended through next year the ability to accelerate depreciation on business jets. The manufacturers association says the provision has boosted sales by $2 billion since it began in 2003.
A CORPORATE JET COULD NEVER BE COMMANDEERED, AND NOW I DON'T HAVE TO BE CHECKED LIKE THE REST OF THE RABBLE! THANKS AGAIN, MR. PRESIDENT!
Airport hassles: After the Sept. 11 attacks, airport security has boosted the demand for private jets. The industry touts them for cutting down waiting time for busy executives. The jets can also get executives closer to where they want to go, because they can access smaller, closer-in airports.
2. BY SOME, WE MEAN THE ONES WHO AREN'T MORONS: "Ga. Evolution Dispute Embarrasses Some"
GOSH, WHY WOULD THEY WORRY ABOUT THAT?
ATLANTA - First, Georgia's education chief tried to take the word "evolution" out of the state's science curriculum. Now a suburban Atlanta county is in federal court over textbook stickers that call evolution "a theory, not a fact." Some here worry that Georgia is making itself look like a bunch of rubes or, worse, discrediting its own students.
"People want to project the image that Georgia is a modern state, that we're in the 21st century. Then something like this happens," said Emory University molecular biologist Carlos Moreno.
WE'LL ALSO BE "CRITICALLY CONSIDERING" MATH AND HYGEINE
The federal lawsuit being heard this week in Atlanta concerns whether the constitutional separation of church and state was violated when suburban Cobb County school officials placed the disclaimer stickers in high school biology texts in 2002. The stickers say evolution should be "critically considered."
IF YOUR MIND IS TOO OPEN PEOPLE WILL THROW A BUNCH OF TRASH INTO IT
Those who support the Cobb County stickers testified this week that they are aiming for a more open-minded education for students.
I THINK THAT RELIGION AND BIOLOGY HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT
"I think the (evolution) theory is atheistic. And it's all that's presented. It's an insult to their intelligence that they're only taught evolution," said Marjorie Rogers, the parent who first complained about the biology texts.
STUPID POINDEXTERS DON'T GET THAT GOD DOESN'T CARE HOW 'BUSY' THEY ARE MAKING FRANKENSTEINS OR WHATEVER
Some scientists say they are frustrated the issue is still around nearly 80 years since the Scopes Monkey Trial — the historic case heard in neighboring Tennessee over the teaching of evolution instead of the biblical story of creation. "We're really busy. We have a lot to do. And here we are, having to go through this 19th century argument over and over again," said Sarah Pallas, who teaches biology and neuroscience at Georgia State University in Atlanta.
WHY WOULD THEY THINK THAT, I WONDER?
Moreno recalled how, after graduating from Georgia public schools, he headed north to the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, only to find that people were less than kind about his educational roots. "They felt Southerners were not only less well educated, but less intelligent," Moreno said.
EVEN THE GODDAMN DONUT SHOP WORKERS THINK THIS ISSUE IS A JOKE
Doughnut shop worker Maria Jordan, 48, said her Atlanta customers were shaking their heads over the latest dispute. "Lord, don't we have more important things to worry about?" she asked. "It's just a flat-out embarrassment." As for what they are saying elsewhere around the country, she said: "Whatever Georgia's getting up north, we're putting it on ourselves."
3. HIP-HOP IS LEGITIMATE NOW, "ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY" SAID SO!: "Eric B. & Rakim Top Greatest Rap Album List"
SOMEHOW, IT'S STILL NECESSARY TO MENTION THAT AESTHETIC JUDGMENTS ARE SUBJECTIVE
NEW YORK (Reuters) - Picking the greatest ever hip-hop album is a tall order and Entertainment Weekly admits its list marking 25 years since the birth of mainstream rap is subjective, with Eric B & Rakim at No. 1.
BEFORE THAT, IT WASN'T AN ARTFORM, IT WAS JUST A BUNCH OF MONKEYS CLOWNING AROUND
"Eric B. & Rakim's 'Paid in Full' made hip-hop a true art form, doing for rap what Bob Dylan (news) did for rock in the mid-'60s," the magazine said of the 1987 album which it praised for its technical intricacy and poetic metaphors.
I GUESS THEY'LL HAVE TO CONSOLE THEMSELVES WITH THEIR MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, HUGE MANSIONS AND LEGIONS OF FANS
Some of today's big names such as Outkast and Jay-Z may be disappointed not to make it into the top 10, although the former makes it to 11 with "Aquemini" and Jay-Z's "The Blueprint" is listed at 15. Eminem is at 17 for "The Marshall Mathers LP."
AS A ROCK CRITIC, I AM UNABLE TO RESIST USING THE WORD 'SEMINAL'
"Most of the people you find on the list or not on the list, rappers in general, are going to reference Eric B. & Rakim as a seminal rap group," said Neil Drumming, who helped compile the list.
"AND IF THE BITCH ACT UP I'LL BEAT YA RIGHT": IN YOUR FACE, CHUCK D.!
In second place the magazine picked the 1989 album "3 Feet High and Rising" by De La Soul, followed by "Ready to Die" by Notorious B.I.G. from 1994. Public Enemy and Run-D.M.C. make up the rest of the top five.
SAY, I THINK THIS 30-YEAR-OLD MUSICAL GENRE THAT HAS COME TO COMPLETELY DOMINATE POPULAR CULTURE JUST MIGHT NOT BE A FAD AFTER ALL
"A lot of people didn't believe it would last, what people are acknowledging now is that it's not a fad," Drumming said.