Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
ludickid

Hack! Hack!

Well, our cable is out. Again. And while our voice mail has started working, our DSL has inexplicably begun cutting in and out. So, after having spent an average of an hour a day over the last two weeks (and probably around six months of the last ten years) on the phone yelling at our various utility companies, I have decided simply to go on a Hollywood-style killing rampage and shoot all of the employees dead while making witty quips, a la every action movie made since 1960. Here are some I just thought of while taking a crap.

1. "You've reached the end of your utility."
2. "Time for you to get...disconnected."
3. "This bill is overdue."
4. "Sorry, our offices are closed."
5. "You just wrote yourself a trouble ticket."
6. "I'm breaking up your monopoly, punk."
7. For the gas company: "Do you smell that?"
8. For the cable company: "Prepare to be upgraded to digital."
9. For the electric company: "The final blackout."
10. For the phone company: "Let me put you on hold...forever."

Ha ha, see how fun that is? And unfunny? And totally easy? And lame? It doesn't even have to make any sense! You do one! Winners will have their line recited while I put a draft in the dome of an SBC vice-president!
Tags: crankery, laffs
Subscribe

  • INTRIGUING FINDINGS FROM RECENT POLLS

    1. A large number of people selected New York as the rock capital of the world. Many so doing are themselves from New York. 2. No one selected…

  • This post is rocking your socks off!

    It’s Rock ‘n’ Roll Filter Friday! Of course, I do not have a Rock ‘n’ Roll Filter, because I am perfectly at home with the idea of forcing my…

  • This post is punching your face out!

    It’s Violence Filter Friday! Of course, I do not have a Violence Filter, because I am a rickety old man whose closest brush with conflict is when he…

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 13 comments

  • INTRIGUING FINDINGS FROM RECENT POLLS

    1. A large number of people selected New York as the rock capital of the world. Many so doing are themselves from New York. 2. No one selected…

  • This post is rocking your socks off!

    It’s Rock ‘n’ Roll Filter Friday! Of course, I do not have a Rock ‘n’ Roll Filter, because I am perfectly at home with the idea of forcing my…

  • This post is punching your face out!

    It’s Violence Filter Friday! Of course, I do not have a Violence Filter, because I am a rickety old man whose closest brush with conflict is when he…