Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator

A dialogue between myself and a mechanic, only slightly exaggerated

MECH: First of all, you need a new battery.

ME: But you guys already put in a new battery.

MECH: No we didn't.

ME: Well, that battery right there is not the battery I came in with. Possibly someone other than you put the new battery in, but nonetheless, a new battery has recently been installed in my car, not by me.

MECH: Oh. Okay. I see here that we did install a new battery. But it is dead.

ME: So you'll replace it for free, right? Because it's new?

MECH: No. We can recharge it, but not replace it. You didn't ask for a warantee.

ME: I was not offered the opportunity to do so.

MECH: At any rate, you need a new battery. You must have done something to run down the battery.

ME: I don't think I did.

MECH: Did you (reads off lengthy list of things that I might have done to drain the battery)?

ME: Nope.

MECH: Well, anyway, you need a new battery. Also, you need to replace the alternator.

ME: I see. And, can I ask, why didn't you check the alternator when I had the car in last week?

MECH: We did. It was fine then. Sometimes components just quit on you.

ME: So you're saying that between the time I left here and the time I got home from here 15 minutes later, the alternator and the battery died? Because I haven't been anywhere in this car since you fixed it last week.

MECH: Apparently, yes.

ME: Quite a coincidence.

MECH: It happens.

ME: Well, what's the damage going to be?

MECH: Mmmmm...$440.

ME: Four hundred and forty dollars? For an alternator and my second new battery in as many weeks?

MECH: Well, plus tax.

ME: I see.

MECH: And service fees.

ME: Service fees.

MECH: And of course the cost of towing you over here.

ME: I drove myself over here.

MECH: Good! You saved yourself $75. Also, you really should think about those brake repairs we talked about last week.

ME: I have thought about them.

MECH: So your grand total would be, say, $720.

ME: Quite a packet.

MECH: Mmmm.

ME: In addition to the $1500 I gave you last week.

MECH: Mmmm.

ME: Since which time I have driven the car a total of 3 miles.

MECH: Mmmm.

ME: Close to what I could buy a whole new engine for, that total.

MECH: Mmmm.

ME: Also, $170 for a new battery seems a bit steep, seeing as I could buy one myself for a third of that and install it for free.

MECH: If you want to give up the professional workmanship, sure.

ME: Would this be the professional workmanship observable in your having sold me a product last week which lasted all of six days and then died, and which you couldn't remember having installed?

MECH: Er, yes.

ME: And for you to just charge the battery, that would be free, right?

MECH: Yes.

ME: Let's go with that one for now.
Tags: crankery, diary, laffs

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