theludickid: Least comforting headline ever.
Blueangstrom: "Buchanan to Gays: I Will Not Incinerate You"
Blueangstrom: Jesus, it's like they won't let us have satire anymore
Blueangstrom: 'Oh, you thought that was an insouciant bit of exaggeration for illustrative effect? Now it's real."
theludickid: When the guy nominated for the highest law enforcement role in the nation has to make public assurances that his days of advocating torture are behind him, satire is no longer useful.
Blueangstrom: Sure, when I was younger, I might have written a few memos that were a bit torture happy
Blueangstrom: But I'm past that now
theludickid: That was 2003, Senator. Let's not dwell on ancient history.
theludickid: The point is, I will certainly not be actually torturing people myself.
Blueangstrom: That's what we have illiterate hill folk from West Virginia for, Senator.
Blueangstrom: They're less human than we are, you know.
Blueangstrom: It's okay for them to do this.
theludickid: But you didn't hear that from me! Ho ho.
Blueangstrom: well, yes, I am the son of immigrants myself...
theludickid How could we make that headline even more depressing?
theludickid "GONZALEZ: TORTURE TO BE KEPT TO A BARE MINIMUM"
theludickid: "GONZALEZ: TORTURE WILL NEVER BE USED ON U.S. CITIZENS"
Blueangstrom GONZALEZ: TORTURE IS NO LONGER POLITICALLY EXPEDIENT TO PUBLICLY ADVOCATE
theludickid "GONZALEZ: I WAS TALKING ABOUT A DIFFERENT KIND OF TORTURE"
Blueangstrom: GONZALEZ: HEY, I JUST WROTE THE MEMO, I DIDN'T ACTUALLY TAKE PICTURES OF ANYONE'S WANG WITH WIRES ON IT
theludickid "GONZALEZ: WHO'S TO SAY WHAT IS TORTURE, ANYWAY"
Blueangstrom GONZALEZ: ACTUALLY, SCREW IT, WE ARE GONNA TORTURE ALL SORTS OF FOLKS, IT'S NOT LIKE YOU CAN STOP US
theludickid Har, THE WINNER!
theludickid: "GONZALEZ: I'M NOT THE SAME ALBERTO GONZALEZ WHO WROTE THOSE MEMOS"
Blueangstrom: You know, right here, this Gonzalez speaks thing? Should be a weekly column.
theludickid: "Al's Torture Tips"
Blueangstrom: GONZALEZ: LOOK, SENATOR, HERE'S FIFTY BUCKS, YOU DIDN'T READ NO MEMO, CAPICE?
theludickid: "GONZALEZ: OH, LIKE YOU'VE NEVER TORTURED PEOPLE"
Blueangstrom: GONZALEZ: HE TRIPPED AND FELL ONTO THAT PILE OF NAKED IRAQIS
theludickid: "GONALEZ: I'M AN ATTORNEY. I THINK I WOULD KNOW IF TORTURE WAS ILLEGAL."
Blueangstrom: GONZALEZ: OOH, THE LIVEJOURNALLERS DON'T LIKE ME, WELL, MAYBE IF THEY TRIED ORDERING 19 YEAR OLDS TO FILM THE SEXUAL ABUSE OF 15 YEAR OLDS MORE OFTEN THEY'D UNDERSTAND
theludickid: Another name for his column: "Gonzo Journalism"
Blueangstrom: "This week, Attorney General Gonzalez slapped a reporter across the mouth with his cock and then tore the American flag from the wall and wrapped it around his body."
theludickid: "GONZALEZ: I BET YOU NEVER THOUGHT YOU'D BE NOSTALGIC FOR ASHCROFT"
Blueangstrom: GONZALEZ: LOOK, IRAQ WAS ASKING FOR IT, THOSE PEOPLE ARE TOTALLY INTO IT
theludickid: "GONZALEZ VOWS NO TORTURE; JUST SHITLOADS OF EXECUTIONS"
Blueangstrom: GONZALEZ ASKS SENATE IF HE CAN STILL PUT RETARDS TO DEATH
theludickid: MAN! Say what you will about America, we still know how to kill retards.