Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
ludickid

The Harping Index

Years since I was able to stay up past midnight without suffering from at least five debilitating ailments the next day: 3

Estimated number of times I have stayed up past midnight since that time: 432

Number of days of leisure and sloth I hoped to have this week after having given up on updating my web site daily : 7

Number of days of leisure and sloth I have actually had in the last week: 0

Factor by which I am more likely to want to kick your ass if you behave abnormally in traffic while talking on a cell phone and piloting a sports utility vehicle: 3.7

Factor by which I am more likely to want to kick your ass if, in addition to the abovementioned factors, you have a vanity plate on your vehicle: 47.0

Average number of American citizens who evince any interest when I mention my passion for Filipino inkers of the 1970s: 132

Slogan of “Sport Clips”, a sports-themed hair salon featuring televised athletic events, buxom Hooters-style female stylists, and a men-only clubhouse atmosphere : “WHERE GUYS WIN”

Mission statement of “Sport Clips”, according to their website : “TO BE THE DOMINANT MALE HAIR-CARE CHAIN IN THE US”

Percentage of members of my household who would rather chew on chlorine-soaked steel wool than listen to the President speak: 50

Percentage of dissenters who are cats: 100

Rank of ‘Cherry Vanilla Diet Dr. Pepper’ in best new soda flavors according to an independent poll of my refrigerator: 1

Rank of ‘Sprite Zero Tropical Remix’: 1,983

Estimated value of my comic book collection if you include a handful of rare Blackhawks from the early 1950s: $2,400

Estimated value of my comic book collection if you don’t include the Blackhawks: $14

Amount I would have made writing this entry if I were a vice-president at Tyco: $1,700,000

Number of comments this entry would have to receive in order to be my most-commented-upon post ever: 96

Number of comments I predict it will generate: 2
Tags: crankery, lists
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    This will be my last entry of 2016.  Next year will begin, barring some unexpected act of fate, with the ascension to the presidency of Donald…

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