1. Been stabbed in the arm by a Nazi skinhead.
2. Had an L.A. cop ram my face into an iron gate because he didn't like my haircut.
3. Given a bunch of Yaqui Indians living in the middle of nowhere in central Mexico a portable tape player and the first Ramones album.
4. Listened to David Carradine treat me to a deranged tirade about gun control, Prozac and how easy it is to kill someone with a plastic steak knife.
5. Seriously considered a speed-fueled plan to dress up like a ninja and rob a convenience store in order to get free donuts.
6. Struck out a future major-league MVP candidate on three straight pitches.
7. Been told by my Klansman cousin that my political opinion was not wanted at the family reunion because I am not truly white.
8. Been complimented on my writing by the governor of Arizona.
9. Received a horrible, nasty-tasting jar of homemade mustard from Ronald Reagan's mother-in-law.
10. Drunk an entire bottle of Robitussin DM and had only vague recollections of the next 48 hours.